REMEMBER & WAIT

New Aftermath Album

2011-12-30T15:43:00.003-05:00

One of my best friends, Jonathan Edwards, sent me a pre-release copy of his new album, She's Better Than Dreams.

I've been listening to it today over and over on repeat, as I wrote a sermon. This album is great for mellow reflection as well as cranking up in the car. As with the last album, the lyrics are a reflection of a broken heart, but this time there is a new hope in Edward's voice.

I especially like the redo of Airplanes and Airwaves. If you have his first album, you're going love the new version.

If you haven't gotten the first album, go do it. It is one I listen to often. Then get ready for more good stuff on the new album- She's Better Than Dreams. Here's what you need to know

Website- www.WeAreTheAftermath.com

For updates on Twitter, follow @NotThePuritan (get it, He's Jonathan Edwards but not THAT Jonathan Edwards)

Album releases January 10, 2012...get ready!

Isaac Turns 5

2011-11-27T10:30:00.005-05:00

Isaac being the huge baseball fan that he is wanted to have a Baseball Party. So, that's what we did. The weather was nice and we were able to have it in our backyard. We invited kids from City Church and the neighborhood. He had a great time.

Issac we love you and are so very proud of you!!

Happy Birthday, Chai

2011-07-11T08:17:00.004-04:00

One year ago today, Chai Samuel Atwood was born. One year ago tomorrow, he died.

This post is from his Mom, Dad, and brothers to tell him that we love and miss him.

Chai,

I will never forget Sunday July 11, 2010. Its the day you were born. Mom and I were not expecting you to come so early. Early in the morning the day before, I woke up to your big brother Isaac crying because he had peed the bed. As I stumbled into his room to change him and drag him into bed with Mom and me I heard Mom scream in the other room. I put Ike down and ran back into check on Mom. She told me you were on the way.

You came too early, son.

After Daddy ran up and down the stairs about 7 times and misplaced Ike in the process, I finally called Mr. Spence to come and stay with your brothers while they slept. Mr. Spence was sleeping too. (We woke up a lot of people that night).

When we got to the hospital, they got Mom settled into a room, checked on you, and everything looked OK. All day Saturday, we spent praying for you. I was nervous, but really excited to meet you. You know, Mom and Daddy waited a long time for you. 12 years…

…but you still came too early, son.

Saturday night, I slept in the hospital next to you and Mom. Micah and Isaac came to visit you and Mom in the hospital. They thought the machines around Mommy were cool. They asked a lot of questions about you. I didn’t have a lot of answers.

I still don’t have them all.

On Sunday morning, your birthday, Mommy wasn’t feeling well. Where you were in her tummy hurt really bad. In a few short minutes, they wheeled mom away and said they had to get you out or you might get sick. Daddy cried. I was afraid for just a minute. I was afraid you and Mommy might die. So, I prayed. God reminded me not to be afraid. He does that for Daddy a lot.

It was Sunday morning, so our church was meeting. They all prayed for you too.

After they got Mommy ready for surgery, that let me back in the room. I whispered a verse from the Bible in Mommy’s ear. Its Romans 8:28 and it says that God works all things for good for those who love God and are called according to his purpose. Mommy and I love God, so we trust what he says.

Then it happened. I got to see you.

It was only for 5 seconds, but they were 5 beautiful seconds.

Your name means “Alive”. Mommy and I named you that because of how God made us alive when we were dead inside. During the 5 seconds I got to see you, you were kicking around like a crazy man. You certainly were alive! I think you could play soccer with your brothers. They’d like that.

Then things didn’t go so well.

You were sick. Really sick. I would never see you move around like that again. They put you in a little plastic tent to help you breathe.

Mommy and I slept in the hospital that night, but we really didn’t sleep. The doctors kept coming in telling us about how you were doing. We would have moments of hope where we thought you would get better, but then you’d get real sick again.

Daddy kept praying. I asked God to take care of you. I asked God to make you better. I asked God to let you live.

Micah and Isaac came to see you in your tent on Monday. Right after they saw you, the doctor told me you were about to die.

I was sad.

Your brother Micah was sad too. When I told him you were going to die, he looked at me with big tears in his eyes and said, “But Dad, I’ll never get to feed him.” He misses you, little buddy.

Mommy, Daddy, Micah, Isaac, Granny-Jeal, Grandpa, Granddaddy, and Grammy were all there to see you and say good-bye. We all gathered around you in a little room while Mommy and Daddy took turns holding you. You were light as a feather. Everybody looked at you and said, “I love you.”

Mommy cried. Daddy cried.

Everybody cried.

Then, while you were in Daddy’s arms, you fell asleep and died.

You left too early, son.

I know you woke up in Daddy’s arms. Not mine, but God’s.

It seems a little silly to tell you what you have missed here. You’ve been with Jesus. You really haven’t missed anything. But I’ll tell you anyway.

Isaac always prays for you. He asks Jesus to come back quick so he and Micah can feed you. He always asks Jesus to take good care of you.

Micah painted a family picture while he was in first grade. He put you in it, next to Jesus.

Daddy thinks about you often, but especially when I run. I hear Owl City sing “Vanilla Twilight” and cry every time he says, “the spaces between my fingers are right where yours fit perfectly”.

Mommy cries for you, too. Some nights she just says, “I miss my baby.” That’s when I hug her and cry more.

When we visit your grave, we always take Stewart’s Orange Cream Sodas. Its Daddy’s favorite drink. I think you would have liked it, too. Micah, Ike, and I share a toast. We clink our bottles and say, “To our baby brother!” Then Micah and Ike laugh.

We put 2 Corinthians 4:16-18 on your tombstone. It reminds us that we’ll see you again…when Heaven comes down.

There is so much more to tell you, but I know I have eternity to have Daddy-Son talks with you. Just ask Micah and Ike, I have some really good ones.

Today, Mom will make a cake for you. We’ll have an Orange Cream toast in your honor. And Ike will pray for Jesus to come back quickly.

I’m not sure why God had you come so early, then die so soon. But I do know that God doesn’t do things early or late, just right on time.

I guess I could be mad at God, but his son died too early too. That’s what I always remember and it helps me wait for the day I see you again.

Good news…God’s son didn’t stay dead, so neither will you.

Happy Birthday Baby Boy! We love you!

See you soon.

Love,

Daddy, Mommy, Micah, and Isaac

The Last Month

2011-06-06T17:37:00.007-04:00

This is definitely a catch-up post and because of shear time it will mostly be

pictures and less words.

May is ALWAYS a crazy busy month for our family, with Micah's birthday, Mother's day, school ending, graduation for Trevor, my birthday, 12yr anniversary and Trevor's birthday...yes

that's a lot.

We have also had the boys baseball season going on in the midst of the chaos. Its been a great year of ball, they have had a lot of fun, learned a lot and made some great friends.

The boys surprised Trevor with breakfast and a new "grown-up" watch for graduation.

They always get so excited to give us gift and surprise us.

Trevor before he heads out the door. We are SO SO proud of him.

Micah wanted to have a sleepover for his birthday this year. This will be the first of many. He invited 4 friends from school. They ate pizza and cupcakes {of course Gluten free & Dairy free}, opened presents, had a water balloon fight, watched a movie and stayed up really late.

The boys went camping with the kids and coaches from their baseball team. What a fun evening. They left before nightfall, because it was a Saturday night, which means Trev has responsibilities early the next morning for church AND it was Mother's Day.

Remembering the Last 5 Years

2011-05-31T15:48:00.003-04:00

So I graduated seminary a couple of weeks ago. Apparently, I now have certification to prove that I have mastered divinity.

Over the last 5 years, I have developed this understanding and paradigm for life that is reflected in the title of this blog- Remember and Wait. It simply points to what theologians call the “already” and “not yet” of the Kingdom of God. In some ways, the kingdom is already among us, in that Christ has already paid the price for my rebellion against God and has already adopted me into his family. I am as loved and accepted by God today because my faith is in the person and work of Jesus as I will be for eternity.

Done.

“It is finished.”

At the same time, the world is still broken. People are still dying, sin is still present in our lives, and clearly pain and suffering have not been eliminated.

This is no Eden.

Remember and Wait puts action on the “Already” but “Not Yet” idea. I am to remember what Christ has done and what that means for reality TODAY. At the same time, I recognize that there is something yet to be completed. Pain, death, sin must all be swallowed up. I must wait and long for TOMORROW.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus is a daily prayer.

That is the macro-, meta-narrative application of this theology. I have also found it applies to instances in my own life.

Here’s how. Graduation is a monument to me. When I look at that diploma on my wall, it won’t simply remind me that I have had a particular degree conferred upon me for completing a set of academic requirements. That’s what it will say to someone else.

Graduation and the diploma will represent 5 years of the grace of God being very present in my life. This is the REMEMBER.

REMEMBER- God provided a job when we moved.

REMEMBER- God provided a church that loved us and challenged us in the gospel.

REMEMBER- God brought Isaac home from Ethiopia (adopting on a seminary salary is miracle in and of itself).

REMEMBER- God brought us through a tough first year with Isaac where we questioned our parenting abilities- Crushing our idol of being thought of as great parents.

REMEMBER- God brought us through a very difficult time in our marriage- Crushing our idol of being thought of as a great husband/wife

REMEMBER- God brought us through countless moments when we weren’t sure the money would outlast the month- Crushing our idol of financial security.

REMEMBER- God brought us through a difficult time of questioning my ability to pastor and lead effectively- Crushing my idolatry of ministry.

REMEMBER- God gave us Chai. Though he took him early, he gave our family a heightened eternal perspective that has kept us from clinging too closely to things that will not last.

All along a terribly difficult journey through theological education, God was teaching us more about himself in our sufferings than I ever learned in Systematic Theology. (Though I did learn quite a bit from Dr. Hogg and Dr. Hammett).

Here’s the point. I remember in a God-honoring way when I remember the grace of God in my life. Primarily, that is the cross. Secondarily, that is the way on a day-by-day basis that I see the character of a God who would give his only son so that I can be brought into his family. After all, he who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with Him graciously give us all things? (Romans 8:32)

So, I remember the Son…and I remember the “all things”.

What about the “WAIT”?

Well, I think Romans 8:32 answers that, too. God has done the hard work. Primarily, on the cross. Secondarily, in my life, to prepare me for the future.

His future.

What God starts, He finishes. Jesus is not just the founder of our faith…he is also the perfecter. (Hebrews 12:2).

So as I look to the ultimate future, I wait expectantly for God to heal all things, set right all wrongs, and do away completely with sin, evil, pain, suffering, and death. His son died to make it this way and resurrected to prove it will happen.

Likewise, as I look to my immediate future as a church planter in Murfreesboro, I have a sure hope that God is again up to something restorative, redemptive and…well…BIG.

He has not prepared me, provided for me, and crushed my idols so that I can be more comfortable. He has been conforming me into the image of his Son (though not yet completely) in order to display his glory to those who are far from him. He has worked in me so that he can work in others. So in the vein of a WAITING theology…BRING IT ON!

I wanted to say a public “thank you” to several of the people whom God used as instruments of his grace to my family and me in the last 5 years. Granted, it won’t be everyone, but these are the ones that come to mind currently. If I miss you, I trust that God has not.

Thanks Dad and Mom. Enough cannot be said here. You prayed, you gave, you loved. We would not have made it through seminary without you. My Dad would always ask me on the phone “Do you need anything son?” Beyond the blessing of his response to my answer, he was a continual reminder that my Father in Heaven was asking me the same thing.

Thanks Clyde and Jody (Keva’s parents). Our kids had clothes on their backs because of your generosity toward us. Many times when we thought the month would outlast the money, a check would come in the mail as a “just because we love you”.

Thanks Summit Church. The Summit took a chance on me. Brought me aboard the leadership and entrusted me to lead. I learned an immeasurable amount from my fellow staff members and was loved unconditionally. Additionally, countless people I met only once or twice (or maybe never) were voices of comfort and reminders of God’s faithfulness as we walked through the shadow of death.

Thanks JD Greear. It is hard to say how much I have learned from you. You have helped me better understand and believe the gospel. You have shown me and taught me how to lead humbly and graciously. You have helped develop a heart in me for developing and discipling others to reach the nations with the gospel. I am a better and more Christ-like preacher, pastor, leader, father, and friend because of your short, but impactful investment in my life.

Thanks Spence Shelton and Andrew Hopper. In times when my life/sanity was hanging by a thread and I needed to vent, you guys were there. Not only that, your insight into my life and particular situations were invaluable. With God, I was never alone…but you were a very tangible ambassador for Christ in my life during the hardest times. You also laughed at my jokes…sometimes.

Thanks Chris and Michal Rudolph. It is hard to imagine a family that was more of a blessing in every area of our lives during these last 5 years. In my time as a college pastor, I could always count on your leadership and support in loving and ministering to students. You were generous with your time and money. You were the biggest supporters of the Atwoods and played a key role in us making it through.

Thanks Courtney, Michal, Abby, and Jill. I needed my wife more than ever these last 5 years. She needed friends that would love her, listen to her, and challenge her more than ever. You four were those friends. You provided the kind of female camaraderie that I could not. You all were a gift from God to my wife and to our marriage.

Thanks Jonathan Edwards (Not the Puritan). I have never quite had a relationship like the one we had. Boss, roommate, mentor, friend. In many ways, I am proud of you like a father is proud of a son. My time at the Summit would probably have looked a great deal different if you weren’t there. God used you and our conversations in many ways to prune me and sharpen me over these last 3 years. Looking forward to see what else God does with you.

Thanks College Students and Leaders. There are too many of you to name, but you know who you are. You took a chance by stepping out of the comfortable and following my leadership. You have know idea how much of a blessing you were to my family and me just by doing that. I can only pray that God used the Atwoods to bless and change you the way he used you in our lives.

Thanks to my sons, Micah and Isaac. Ok, you probably won’t read this soon, but maybe one day you’ll dig it up in the archive of this blog. I have learned so much through the 2 of you. As I have discipled, loved, and led you boys, my heart has been softened. Many days when the stress of my life seemed too much to overcome, I came home to you two. It didn’t matter what I done that day or what the world thought about me, I was daddy when I walked in that door. God used and is using your lives to remind me of the glorious reality of having a heavenly father that wants to provide for my every need and shape me into someone beautiful. I pray for you everyday and remain thankful for the gifts you both are to your mother and me.

Thanks to my wife, Keva. This has certainly been a wild ride. There is nothing I can write here that I haven’t already told you in person with tears streaming down my cheeks (as they are as write this). We have been tested, tried, and tempted. In a way, I wish I could say each time we passed with flying colors. We didn’t. In many ways, we failed. But we are known and loved by a redeeming God who takes messes and turns them into masterpieces. For that reason, I wouldn’t change a thing about the last 5 years. I’d be a fool to try and re-do the things based on my pathetic limited knowledge, which God has used for his glory and our good based on his perfect wisdom.

Thank you for every meal you cooked. Our sons future wives have a great deal to live up to.

Thank you for your commitment to love people. I don’t know how many young women you have counseled, how many meals you prepared for people who ate in our home, or how much time you spent giving of your self and time to help other people understand who Jesus is. I do know that even when things were stressful and difficult, you still made time for other people.

Thank you for not quitting. I know that sometimes people assume that Christians just stay together magically. It takes work. God worked on you and you did the hard work loving me.

Thank you for your encouragement. Without you, I probably never would have come to seminary. Without you, I would have given up. Your ability to sense my stress and frustration then remind me of what God has called me to be are a gift.

I am so thankful for what God has done in our marriage over these past 5 years and have never been more proud and down right excited to call you my wife, date you, love you, and partner in ministry with you.

While we are returning to the city we left behind, let it be noted that the Atwoods are different people...in a very good way.

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!...For from him and through him and to him are ALL THINGS. To him be the glory forever.

Amen.

2011-05-21T15:49:00.002-04:00

A few weeks back we had the honor of being photographed by a sweet friend/UNC college student/talented photographer, Anderson Shore. We went out to Bingham School Inn in Meban for the shoot. We knew that we wanted to incorporate Chai's presence into some of our family photos so we brought some things along that remind us of him. Well Anderson being the sweet guy he is also had the same thought. He knows our families love for baseball and thought it would be cool to include Chai in a unique way. He brought a baseball for us all to pin something to Chai.

Please check out Anderson's website. Hire him for a shoot. You will NOT be disappointed.

Cousins

2011-05-06T13:08:00.004-04:00

Ike woke up this morning kinda groggy, just not ready to start his day. He stayed this way for about an hour. When Ike is not quite ready to start his day, you just back off and let him come to when he is ready. After letting him lay around for a while I ask, "Ike what's the matter? You just not ready to start your day?" He said, "I wanna see Zethan." {For those unsure, that is one of their cousins in TN} Kids BREAKIN my heart!!

Needless to say, we are looking forward to being back in Murfreesboro for many reasons, but one that stands out is being near family. It has been a long 5 years not having them near. As the boys get older the more they want to spend time with their cousins and hate leaving them to come back to NC. We spent the week before Easter in TN, house hunting. The boys got to spend some great quality time with Zethan, Trynna and Nathanael and Aunt Keyanna & Uncle Troy.

What A Day

2011-04-05T11:24:00.007-04:00

Team Atwood playing for North Durham Little League...Rookie Rays.

I believe Saturday could possibly go down as one of the best days ever for my boys. It started off with Opening Day for North Durham Little League. They got to walk and hold their banner {with their team name and players on it} in a parade. Then it was game time. They played their first game against the Red Sox. It was a really good game and close too. Isaac got an out on 3rd,which I think shocked him. They both did well hitting to the pitches thrown. Micah hit a double into the out-field. It was a great afternoon.

After the game Trevor and I headed out of town for the night to visit with a church in VA and share the vision of City Church. We had our trusty and best babysitter, Whitney, staying with them for the night. She had a special treat planned for the boys. You see, she is friends with one of the starting UNC basketball players...Tyler Zeller and we are HUGE UNC fans {Micah even pretends to be Tyler all the time}. So Whitney being the sweet person she is made plans with him, that included my boys. He came over for dinner, played Wii with them, autographed several UNC paraphernalia and even read their bedtime story to them. To say the least they were over the moon.

We are so grateful for these opportunities afforded to us by living so near UNC and having these great connections. My boys will remember this

day for a very long time {with Micah's memory, probably forever}.

{Per usual M has his eye's shut, but its a great pic of Ike & Zeller}

Micah's Special Chapel Day

2011-03-24T13:39:00.004-04:00

Micah's precious 1st grade class

Micah delivering his line

On Monday the 1st grade class hosted chapel with a skit on forgiveness and friendship, The Great Art Fiasco. Micah was given the script a few weeks ago and we began memorizing his line and where he came in the order to say it. He has a photographic memory (okay not really, but pretty darn close) so things like this are not usually difficult. The more difficult thing is him saying his line in front of an audience. But over the past year he has gotten increasingly braver. Here are a few pictures. Since my zoom is broken on my camera, this is a close as it gets...sorry.

Encouragement

2011-03-18T12:59:00.006-04:00

The Alexander family { Team Alexander } was and continues to be such an encouragement to me in my faith, love for orphans and their incredible strength, that they solely attribute to Jesus. They began the adoption process around the same time we did with Isaac. It has been an amazing journey to watch unfold. They have heart for Africa that is unmatched.

You can follow their entire journey here.

But this blog post is one I want to share with those families waiting for the doors to open in Ethiopia. Be encouraged and know you are being prayed for...by so many.

Are We Alone?

2011-03-07T09:53:00.011-05:00

One week ago today one of our closest friends lost their baby by miscarriage. It has been a week of reflection for me. I have tried to be mindful of the things that I know they may go through in the days and weeks to come. It has had me retrace those first days and weeks after we lost Chai.

One of many things I have learned through the loss of a child is that no matter whether you child dies by miscarriage or a day old or 10 years old, the pain and grief is real. You grieve the things you will never get to experience with your son or daughter, you grieve the incompleteness of your family and that it will be that way until Jesus returns. You grieve the loss for your children, that they will not get to experience this life with that sister or brother. Each holiday, each anniversary is a painful reality that someone is missing, that this isn't the way it is supposed to be.

Are we alone? I read a book by Elizabeth Brown called Surviving the Loss of a Child, a couple of months after Chai died. She and her family lost their daughter suddenly at the age of 5 (if I remember correctly). The first chapter is,Are We Alone? It is quite an eye opening chapter, here is a little of what she has to share.

"We are alone, alone in the world. Children don't die. I mean real children, children who have been born and leave the hospital. I don't know anyone whose child died. No one looks at us. Everyone looks down or to the side. They know children don't die. They know! I know!"

"But children do die. Every year in America, 228,000 children under the age of 24 die. Fifteen out of every hundred infants die before his or her first birthday: 28,600 deaths per year due primarily to prematurity or low birth weight. In addition there are 980,000 miscarriages and stillborn baby deaths per year."

"So, its a myth that children do not die! Children do die! When your child dies, you are no alone. You are not the only person to survive such a tragedy. You, like others, will survive-if you choose to."

I choose to share this information not to be cold or insensitive {which is how I felt when I first read it}, but rather to say, "We are not alone." We must be careful not to throw those statistics around and make my loss or someone else's just a number. We must reach out to those who are hurting. We must be the hands and feet of Jesus for those grieving. I pray everyone who reads this never faces such a lose, but I know that many reading this already have, and you need those that love you near and far to share the hope that is to come. That one day, we will see our beautiful perfected children. One day there will be no more crying. One day there will be no more pain. One day Jesus is going to return and set this broken world right again.

I have spent all morning praying over these words. Praying that God would give me great concern and love for those who have faced the loss of a son or daughter. Praying that God would be their comfort and their hope.

" For in this hope we are saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope.

For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what

we do not see, we wait for it with patience."

Romans 8:24-25

Mike & Ike

2011-03-03T13:07:00.004-05:00

This is what happens when my kids get ahold of the camera.

The "faces" of Mike & Ike.

Family Picture

2011-02-19T18:38:00.004-05:00

Micah was given the task to do an art project for the school's Art Week. We were told the idea, the conception had to be his. He wanted and did paint a picture of his family. I am so proud. I love the way God uses our children to reveal and remind us who He is.

Bedtime

2011-02-17T11:33:00.003-05:00

The other night after putting the boys to bed, we heard lots of laughter and movement coming from the boys room. We knew they were probably out of their beds doing something mischievous, but we let it ride. They were having fun. Later that night after all was quiet we went to check on them...and this is how we found them. Ike had crawled up into Micah's bunk and fell asleep.

Absolutely Precious!!

Happy Adoption Day

2011-02-14T12:47:00.005-05:00

Valentine's Day 2008

Valentine's Day 2009

(there is no blog post for 2010)

Valentine's Day 2011

Isaac has been telling me all day that this is "my pecial day." Indeed it is son. Today you have been an Atwood for 3 years. I cannot believe how much you have grown and changed. You have melted our hearts and we could not imagine our life without you in it. We thank God for you today. He has wonderfully made you. You are: healthy, cute as a button, independent, curious about life and the world, tender and tough, competitive, boy are you competitive and you love your brothers, Micah & Chai. As your parents, Mommy and Daddy are forever grateful for how God has shown Himself through your adoption into our family.

HAPPY ADOPTION DAY ISAAC SENTAYEHU ATWOOD!!!!

The Top of The Stairs

2011-02-13T20:14:00.001-05:00

This is Trevor's take on the one year anniversary of the discovery of Keva's pregnancy as described in the post below.

I'm not sure how many times I've read "I Love You Forever" to our boys, but there is one part of that book that arrests me each time I read it. The story is about a mother who watches her son grow up and each time you, the reader, think he is too big to be picked up and rocked by his Mom, there she is with a 9 year-old, a teenager, and even a grown man in her lap as she sings "I love you forever, I like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

(SPOILER ALERT) Toward the end of the short book, the mother has gotten old and near death when the son reverses the pattern. He holds his elderly mother and rocks her as he sings "I love you forever."

The next page is where I always get a little choked up. It reads, "When the son came home that night, he stood for a long time at the top of the stairs." The picture on this page shows the son frozen at the top of his stairs, head down, just outside his newborn baby's room. What's he thinking? What's he feeling? I know now.

At the top of the stairs, he pauses, as he contemplates the death of his mother and the new life of his son. Death and life mingled together in a moment. I've been there.

I remember how alive I felt on February 12, 2010. We were finally pregnant. I remember Micah and Isaac's excitement when we told them over pancakes on a cold, February, Saturday morning. In all of the preparation for Chai's arrival, there was a buzz and an expectancy of something great in our house. Then came July 12. I will never forget the moment I knew there was no hope left for Chai's frail little body to make it. I came out of the neo-natal unit and told my sons and our parents the news. Shortly after, my precious little son would breathe his last breath in my arms.

A day or two later, (I really had lost all track of what day it was by then) I had my "top of the stairs" moment. I was driving home alone to be with the boys for a few hours. Before I got out of the car, I couldn't help but think about all three of my sons. Could they just be together for one day? Now, they are separated by death. Two very alive little boys will never be able to hold, feed, and play with their little brother because of the curse of death. In that moment, I prayed for the wisdom and strength to face my sons, to help them to understand both the reality of death and truth of the resurrection to come in Christ. I knew then that my family had been chosen for something special. Not special in the sense of its uniqueness, but in the depth of the results.

At "the top of the stairs", we feel the pain death brings but look to the hope of new life. This is the cross. Jesus felt the pain of sin and death as he prepared to be the firstborn from the dead, and the first of many brothers and sisters for whom death would not be an eternal condition. That Saturday, between the pain of Friday afternoon and the glory of Sunday morning, was a "top of the stairs" moment. The time we are now in, between the cross and the restoration of all things upon Christ's return, is a perpetual "top of the stairs" moment.

The great news in those "top of the stairs" moments, is the immanent new life. That's what I have in Christ. That's what my family hangs on in difficult moments in the year following Chai's death. Death is painful, but new life is coming. My boys will get to see their baby brother, not for one day, but forever. My memory of watching my son die will be replaced with the sight of him in a glorious resurrection body. Sorrow to joy. Pain to peace. Death to Life.

When I visit my son's grave on days like this, I can't help but visualize that memorial stone cracked down the center, lying at the head of an empty grave. Huh- kind of reminds me of another stone that sat outside another empty grave.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus...and bring our little brother with you.

One Year & Seven Months

2011-02-13T17:47:00.005-05:00

Yesterday was a beautiful day. We got up late (we being Trevor & I, the boys were up by 6am), I made waffles and the boys played Wii. At noon we got the boys dressed for Little League evaluations, went to the ball field and watched our boys do their very best to pitch, run, catch and field. Afterwards we went to Chai's grave and told him all about our day. It was a great day, but one that came with an introspective and meditative heart. February 12th, the marks the one year anniversary of finding out some of the best news in the world: that we were pregnant. Seven months ago was the hardest day of my life, the day my sweet son died after 25 hrs of life.

The other night as I lay in bed with the boys, I told them I wanted to choose our book for the night. I chose Love You Forever. The boys did their usual, "This was me mommy," and "This will be me mommy," bit as I got it off the shelf. But tonight I said, "We are gonna read in memory of Chai." As I read it we talked about all things Chai would have done had he lived and how fun life would have been with a little brother. But the thing that rang most true to me was the song the mother sang to her son each night.

I love you forever

I like you for always

As long as I'm living

My baby you will be.

You see I needed that night to know and feel, that Chai will always be my son. Just because he is not here doesn't mean he stops being my son. When Trevor got home that night I had a good cry. I just told him how hard this last month and half has been for me. In the past month I have had the hopes of being pregnant, the pain of finding out I'm not, found out several people close to me are pregnant, walked through grief with our neighbor whose husband suddenly died, and met another mom who has lost a son who was able to soothe my soul by reminding me that I'm not alone. All along February 12th loomed in the near future.

One of the things I told Trevor was that I feel strong enough now to answer the question , "How many kids do you have?" with "Three." You see, I think it is a common instinct to desire to protect others from feeling bad or guilty when asking a question they have no idea is going to cause you so much pain. So, for the past three months I would answer that question, "Two." But it always caused me such pain, because I felt I was leaving Chai out, in essence saying, he is not my son because he is not here. This could not be further from the truth. As long as I'm living my baby you will be. I am strong enough now, to answer that question and not fear man's response. I'm sorry if it causes you some discomfort, but it is my heart's desire to share Chai and his story with the world. One day for the fame of Jesus and the glory of God.

In the midst of it all, God continues to be my peace and my rest. It doesn't mean the hurt goes away or the memories aren't painful, but it does mean when those times creep in, I can go to Him and give Him my hurts and my fears and my doubts. In return He graciously comforts me and increases my faith in him. My relationship with God and His gospel has grown and strengthened in this deep suffering. I love Him more with each passing day. I am more grateful for the days He gives me with my children and my husband. It is not promised to me, it is by His grace that we have another day.

So I continue to dance the dance that is grief, but I do it with God as my partner. If I stumble, if I fall, He is right there to pick me up. For that I am forever grateful.

Something New

2011-02-09T13:35:00.002-05:00

So, I have been struggling with the fact that this blog was once a family blog with stories of adoption, joys and struggles of family life and suffering, that has now been taken over by food. I did not like the flow of the posts. Therefore, I started a new blog. This blog will be about food, my funny family, art and whatever else I find myself Smitten by.

Hop on over for a quick look. Please forgive the fact that the post are ALL out of order. I had to move them from this blog to that one and in doing so they got out of wack. I hope to have a new post up very soon...maybe on both.

Thanks for following.

Nearly One Year Ago...

2011-02-05T13:03:00.006-05:00

I realize it has been a while since I last wrote about Chai. I often have things I want to share but so often cant find the courage to write my thoughts down for the world to see. There are always milestones we are missing and holidays we will never share with Chai and anniversarys of things to celebrate.

February 12th, is one of those days. It was a busy day for me. I was putting the final touches on last minute things to get done for my annual Pink & Red Party for that evening. Trevor was working from home that day and he was encouraging me to go buy a pregnancy test. I had some symptoms, but I pushed them out of my head. We had been married at this point for 11yrs and it had never happened before, so there was no need to be in any hurry to spend $10 on a pregnancy test that would eventually tell me NO. Trevor nonetheless, was adamant I go buy one. We all know the outcome. I was pregnant!! Much to both my and Trevor's astonishment. We just stood and stared at each other in complete shock and utter excitement.

I did not know how in the world I was going to keep my glow and excitement a secret from all my friends who would be showing up at my house that evening. One by one they came in the door. I remember looking around my house at each of the women, Jill was pregnant; Veronica brought Adon, then 6wks old; Anna brought HattieJo, then a few months old; Cher who was also probably pregnant with her kahjillionth son. There were probably many more, but nonetheless I remember looking at each and thinking I am going to go through each of these stages and I was just so thrilled.

It has been a solemn January, with this date looming in the distance. Life doesn't stop going on despite my pain and my grief. People continue to get pregnant and have beautiful babies and there is the constant reminder that death is still a part of life in the broken world.

This week, Trevor and I had the chance to go to Orlando for the Resurgence Conference and Acts29 Bootcamp. It was such a good refreshment for my soul. Tullian Tchividjian and Matt Chandler did an amazing job speaking to suffering. They both said that suffering brings us to end of ourselves and brings us to a deeper and necessary reliance on Jesus. They said suffering has provided a depth to the gospel that otherwise they may never have realized. It is a reminder that the world we live in is broken and groaning for it to be set right again. That until that time, there will be death, sickness, natural disasters, homelessness, starvation, disease and pain. This is not God's punishment for a fallen world. He loves us and hurts with us. His heart breaks over this fallen and broken world.

In God's providence, we met another couple at this conference. I happened to overhear this man telling some other men in a group that he had 3 boys, two that were alive and one that had died. Of course hearing this broke my heart. Once I got back to my seat, I told Trevor what I had just overheard in passing. He said, "I know him, that's Aaron Proffitt, a church planter in Tampa. I have sent him a couple messages on FB." We finally met Aaron and his wife Ashlee. We had the great privilege of having lunch and sharing our stories of grief, suffering, God's grace and unending love. As I sat with Ashlee, I felt so much like she and I were alike, in more ways than one. She was such an encouragement to me and Aaron to Trevor. Their story of death, life, and church planting is one we needed to hear and one we will remember always.

We are so grateful that God is sovereign and brings comfort and encouragement at the most unexpected times from unexpected people.

Chai's Story through Video

2010-12-14T21:34:00.003-05:00

We were recently privileged to be asked to share Chai's story at one of our church's Christmas events. It is always difficult to re-tell, but completely worth it for the fame of Jesus. Below is our story along with another couple's in our church that speak to the reality of pain and loss and understanding where and who God is in the midst of that.

Aftermath: A Review

2010-10-12T09:32:00.004-04:00

I have been given the great privilege of reviewing the debut album of Aftermath, entitled the Aftertaste of Abandonment. I'll do this in two parts: the Music and the Man.

1) The Music- The quality is above outstanding...and that does not come with the "for a debut album" caveat. The recording quality, lyrical content, and vocal/instrumental execution would rival the likes of the Goo Goo Dolls, Lifehouse, or Switchfoot. This is top notch stuff. My kids are already singing it, and my wife is quoting the lyrics to me. The music is both addicting and deep and speaks of the deep hurt that comes from sin and the brokenness of a fallen world.

This is NOT a contemporary Christian or "worship" CD in the traditional sense. Nor was it intended to be. However, the lyrics drip with Truth and will identify with anyone who has suffered rejection, loss, or death. I can certainly speak to this due to the death of Chai this summer. Even yesterday, as we sat at my son's grave, Keva told me that the lyrics to "Darkness Calls" (the opening track) kept ringing in her head.

Darkness is calling, it’s calling both of our names

But I just want to hold you close ’til daylight

Stay with you one last time tonight

If only time’s hands were broken then maybe hearts could heal

These lyrics are indicative of the album. The raw exposure of the human emotion that comes from loss, rejection, or abandonment are on full display. As a person who has experienced great loss, I appreciate the way Aftermath taps into that emotion.

But whether you have been through those experiences or not, you will find yourself singing the lyrics long after you have turned your iPod off. The voice of Aftermath is one that is both pleasant to listen to and addictive. You will find yourself constantly going back to replay tracks to just to hear the way they are sung. There is no doubt something unique about the vocals on this record.

2) The Man- I have had the great pleasure of knowing Jonathan Edwards (aka. Aftermath) for 2.5 years. He has served under me in college ministry at the Summit Church. I have never met a more multi-talented person in my life.

One of the things I have loved most about watching Jonathan make this album is seeing the way God has formed his heart for the purpose of the CD. Jonathan has experienced a great deal of abandonment in his life. However, he has also experienced the unchanging love of God in Christ...and that has made all the difference.

While this CD primarily addresses the emotion that comes from that abandonment, he did not want to leave his listeners without hope. In his liner notes, Jonathan points to Christ as the solution for the brokenness he has experienced in a honest way. I believe that this CD could be the beginning of pointing many people to the healing that they will find in Christ. As Jonathan has trusted Christ in the midst of his difficulty, he also has pointed others to the God of infinite love.

For that reason, I am very proud of him.

Here's what you need to know about getting this music:

1. The release of the CD: November 9th, 2010 on iTunes & Amazon.com

2. The Official CD release Show: November 19th, 2010 at 7PM taking place at 2335 Presidential Drive, Durham, NC 27703 featuring Jess Ray & The Rag Tag Army, Jordan Sasser, and Daniel Renstrom

3. Visit the website for the NEW music video available today, 10/12, at Noon http://www.WeAreTheAftermath.com/

Remembering Chai

2010-10-09T10:10:00.002-04:00

Monday, October 11th, will most likely be unremarkable. I will be in class. Micah will be at school. Keva will be at the grocery store with Isaac. You will be starting a new week of work, drinking copious amounts of coffee, and hoping for Friday.

October 11th was not supposed to be this way. Not for the Atwoods or you, our family and friends. It was supposed to be a celebration of life. It was the day that Chai Samuel was supposed to be born. So much of me wishes I was in charge. I want to change things. I want my son to live. I want to bring him home and experience the sleepless nights with a newborn. I want to rock him to sleep in sleep in my easy chair. I want to see Keva gently sing him to sleep. I want Micah and Isaac to take turns holding him in their laps. I'll never forget the day Chai died, Micah looked at me with tears welled up in his eyes, trying to hold it together and said, "But Dad, I won't ever get to feed him."

For each of our family, we have a long list of reasons we miss Chai and still deeply mourn his death. However, I am resolved on October 11th to remember not what could have been, but what is...and there is some glorious truth to be celebrated (though not without a deep sense of loss). As my family is together on Monday evening, our dinner conversation will be filled with our thoughts of Chai, his short life, and his deep impact on our family and many others around the world. As we look back through the pictures of his birth and funeral, we will surely miss him. We will cry, and that is a good thing. Because beneath the tears resides a very lasting sure hope that God desires Chai's life even more than I do. Chai is safe with God in Christ. And we will be with him again.

Here is how we would like you to join us in remembering Chai on his originally given due date:

1) Comment on this post (or send an email to trevkeva@gmail.com for more privacy) and let us know how Chai Samuel's short life has made a permanent impression on yours.

2) Spend the evening with your family, if you can, and let them know specifically how you understand God has blessed you with their lives. Hug your children and thank God for blessing of raising them.

3) Read and meditate on Romans 8:14-25 and 2 Cor 4:16-18. Ask God to show you if you are living in the reality of this hope and to prepare you for the suffering that is to come. Ask him to make you an instrument to display the reality of hope in Christ.

I hope that you will remember with us as we wait for the coming of Christ, the renewal of creation, and the day our future hope fades into ever-present glory. Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

Chai's Proud and hopeful Daddy,

Trev

Final Resting Place: the Thoughts of a Mourning Mother

2010-08-15T10:56:00.004-04:00

What is written below is from Keva, my dear wife.

Often husbands brag on their wives, probably not nearly enough, though. Many times that admiration comes off as a comparison of her to other women. Sometimes there is a place for that. That is not what I am trying to express here.

As I have witnessed the one person I love more than any other on earth go through the most painful event she has ever had to endure, I can say that I am very proud of her. But I do not compare her with other women, at least in the sense of saying, "Keva handled this so well where other women would not have done nearly as well." No, my comparison, and my pride in her is wholly attributed to the work of God in her life through the gospel of Christ. In other words, I think about who she is now compared with the Keva she was before Christ.

Pre-Christ Keva could never have said, "God you are good, and I trust you!" all the while weeping, longing to hold her son in her arms again. The Keva who had not experienced the transformation that comes through a deep trust in Jesus who traded places with her on the cross could never have lifted her eyes to heaven in the midst of deep pain and said, "Thy will be done."

She is not perfect. But she is a saint. Not because of what she has done, but because of who God has made her in Christ. I love her more deeply now than ever. Here are her words

"As I try to process the death of Chai, there are many things that I remember as key moments. One of them is that which surrounds the death itself. When Chai died we stepped into a whole new world. One filled with funeral and burial arrangements. I have been fortunate in my life to have not lost very many people who are close to me. Therefore, I was completely unaware of the process of burying my son. Thankfully we had people around who stepped up in big ways to walk us through what that entailed.

To this day I have a hard time thinking about him once his soul left his body. I only want to remember him alive. The moment he died, Trevor and I kissed him goodbye and handed him over to the doctors. However, once I handed him over, I was filled with grief and anxiety over what would happen next to him. Would they hold him tenderly? Where would they take him?Would he be left alone? The nurses dressed him and took pictures of him, for which we are grateful, but I have a hard time thinking about that process. They had to hold him and dress him and position/pose him for the pictures. It is hard to think of anyone holding him and preparing him for what was to come.

During the swirling chaos that had become our life the week of his death (buying funeral clothes for the boys, dry cleaning Trevor's suit, picking a funeral home, making the arrangements, picking a cemetery and his final "resting place"), I was at peace with God. As heartbroken as I was, I new that God loved Chai more than I ever could. That He was not taking him to punish me, and that Chai was in His arms and one day I will see my sweet boy again.

Going to a funeral home and making the arrangements for your son's burial is not something I would ever want any parent to go through. When they walk you to a room filled with adult size caskets and point to the only casket they carry for infants its gut-wrenching. I looked at the casket and was screaming inside. "This is it?" "This is what i have to choose, there are no others to pick from?" Then she said something that shook me to my core, "He can always be buried in the box he is currently in." I had not processed yet where he was and what had been done with his sweet little body from the time I handed him away to this. The fact that he was there in that very building laying in a box somewhere all alone crushed me. She then proceeded to ask if we wanted to see the box he was in, in case we wanted to use it. I nearly collapsed, I said,"NO! Dont touch him, don't move him, leave him be." I know she was not trying to be insensitive, but she was talking about my son, who was laying in a cold plastic coffin wrapped in nothing but a blanket. He was all alone and I wanted to scream, "IT'S NOT FAIR!!!"

The day of the funeral was very surreal. My extended family was in my home taking care of us. They helped me and the boys get dressed. I honestly don't know what we would have done without them and our close friends that never left our side. What I remember most about that day, is the strength God gave me. I had been asking friends and family to pray on my behalf, that God would give me the physical strength to walk and stand in honor of my son. I did not want to be wheeled into the church (for those of you reading that may not know, i had an emergency c-section w/Chai). He was so gracious to me, I knew as I walked the aisle, stood for songs and received hugs from everyone there, that God had answered my prayers. He lovingly held me up and where Chai had no voice, Trevor and I stood for him.

A month after Chai's death, I still struggle with the finality of it. On Thursday (one month after his death), I could barely get out of bed filled with such grief. But I did and went with Trevor to do something that now and forever will be a new normal. We went and shopped for flowers to put on Chai's grave. It was a very sad reality. We walked around trying to find a flower that was youthful, but not girly. I finally settled on white gerber daisies. However, we only found two. I was crushed and so we settled on white daisies. I got home began to arrange them and get them ready to take to Chai, but as I sat in this new normal was so saddened, because these flowers are NOT the ones i wanted for him. I told Trevor that Chai deserves the best flower, the one that no matter where we are when we see a Gerber Daisy, it will forever remind us of him. It will be special, like him.

I have felt this week overwhelmed with this aspect of his death, hence my writing in hopes of relieving some of the hurt. But sitting in church today I was reminded as we took the Lord's supper of something very sweet. The following was handed to me by my loving husband as we partook.

'As I take the Lord's supper I think of each element in two ways, 1. Remembering, 2. Waiting.

Bread:

Remember

Broken body on the cross, Jesus taking my place.

Wait

Bread can only be made by man, This reminds me that I can now image God like I am created to do and will one day do that perfectly.

Wine:

Remember

The Blood of Jesus shed for my sin

Wait

Wine is celebratory. Jesus said before he died we would drink it w/him at the the marriage supper of the Lamb when he returns, in his Kingdom. (Matthew 26:27-29; Rev. 20:9)

This reminds me that we will share a meal with Jesus for eternity with Chai sitting right there with us.'

Praise Jesus!"

Keep praying for Keva, for me, for our sons. The pain of the broken creation is still very real to us...and I hope that we always feel it. For it is that pain that pushes us to cry out to God for the New Creation. Therein lies our hope. Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

Trevor

The Ministry of Music and Reality of Pain

2010-07-29T07:21:00.003-04:00

I have never really been a “music person”. I listen to it. I like it. But I don’t need it.

The only time I consistently listen to music is when I run. I’ve been out running two or three times since Chai’s death, and I have found a couple of songs that have been a comfort to me and helped remind me of truth.

1) The Garden- by Needtobreathe.

I had just begun listening to this song quite a bit before Keva went into the hospital. The song is about Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane just before the arrest that led to his brutal beating and death on the cross. Here are the lyrics.

“Wont you take this cup from me,

Cause fear has stolen all my sleep

If tomorrow means my death

I pray you’ll save their souls with it.

“Let the songs I sing

Bring joy to you

Let the words I say

Profess my love

Let the notes I choose

Be your favorite tune

And, Father, let my heart be after you

“In this hour of doubt I see,

Who I am is not just me

So give me strength to die myself

So love can live to tell the tale”

In particular, this song reminds of the gospel pattern. The fact that glory does not come without pain. But it also reminds me that pain still hurts. It’s still scary. It’s still difficult. In the garden, Jesus readily admitted to the Father he would prefer not to go through the pain of the cross. He was, in a very real sense “afraid”. Not afraid that ultimately the cross would not work toward good and salvation, he knew that. He is God. But the pain and the suffering were very real. Jesus did not pretend like the cross was a piece of cake. He didn’t “keep his chin up” or talk about how “it wasn’t that bad”. He wept in the garden. He pleaded for another way. Ultimately, he surrendered to the necessary suffering because he understood the outcome of the cross….resurrection, for him and all those who trust in him.

2) Far Away- Lecrae

I downloaded this song for Micah, looking for something he could listen to on the IPOD he got for his birthday back in May. I was introduced to Lecrae’s music in mid June via a CD that a friend put together for us for a baby shower for Chai. Micah loved the couple of songs he heard, (and I did too) so I went looking for more. I found this song. It was written (or re-released) following the Haiti disaster. You can find the video here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0rerU_NYwD8

The song expresses so much of what Keva and I are feeling now. It is much like the prophets, particularly Habakkuk. The injustice that surrounds him prompts him to question the work of the LORD. “How long shall I cry for help and you will not hear?”- Hab 1:2. By the end of the book, Habakkuk confesses that he “will take joy in the God of his salvation”- Hab 3:18. What happened between Chapter 1 and 3. The pain didn’t stop. The injustice didn’t stop. He was simply reminded of the record and character of God. Who God is became supreme over his circumstances.

This song by Lecrae has helped me to realize that hurting is not evil. In fact, if it doesn’t hurt, it isn’t suffering. I think sometimes Christians think suffering well means smiling a lot. No, that is called lying. Of course, neither Keva or I are constantly downtrodden, but there still lingers a sadness, sometimes great, sometimes faint…but it is there. It does not overtake us, but the pain is very real. Lecrae expresses that kind of pain very well. Even though I know God is not “Far Away”, I can readily admit that my circumstances seem to indicate that he is. Ultimately, I choose to believe his promise over my circumstances.

The presence and comfort of God through his promise to resurrect and renew does not make pain and suffering not hurt. It gives us the impetus to not be overcome by sadness and despair. In a word…hope.

3) How and Why- Wes Walters

Finally, a friend of ours from our days in Tennessee (now ministering in Buffalo, NY) was inspired to write a song when he heard of Chai’s life and death. We were deeply moved by this and wanted to share it. The lyrics echo the same sentiments as Lecrae and Needtobreathe. Pain doesn’t disappear with hope, in fact it teaches us to hope.

Here are a few of the lyrics:

“It’s why a sunset falls, it’s why a tree is a home

It’s why a sea is alive, it’s just why

It’s why a mom goes to bury a son

And then carries on, then shares a song

It’s you, you, you, it’s you

Knowing the how and why I’m gone

It’s you, you, you, it’s you

Showing me how to come back home

It takes two things to make a cross

It’s not just wood. It’s pain and loss

If it wasn’t for grief, I wouldn’t know love

It’s just how I learn, It’s just how I learn”

I am very thankful for the many ways God has used his church to minister to us during this time of great pain. These songs represent a small but significant part of that comfort. Listen and learn.

A Resurrection Mindset: What My Kids are Teaching Me

2010-07-22T16:06:00.002-04:00

It is an instinct to protect our kids. If you are a parent, you have had those moments where you watch another child mistreating yours on the playground and you want to step in and take charge. You have most likely had at least one “here-comes-a-car-and-my-kid-is-chasing-a-ball-into-the-street” episode where you scream loudly and run to grab the child’s arm. You have probably also had the moments when an all-too-revealing television commercial comes on and you say, “Hey, kids, look over here!” as you try anything to divert their attention from what could pollute their minds.

Those instincts are good. Mostly.

But sometimes our desire to “protect” our children can actually prohibit their growth if we miss teachable moments.

The death of Chai has been one of those moments for my kids. My instinct says, “Let’s not talk about it much. Kids don’t need to think about death, it will just scare them or worry them.” I have fought that instinct and talked a lot about death with my kids over the last week and a half. I think I have learned as much as I have taught.

Of course, when we talk about death, as followers of Christ, we talk about resurrection. For the Christian, talking about death without resurrection is a bit like describing your home to someone and all you mention is how difficult it was to build. “Yeah, but what’s your house like?” they would rightly reply. Death is not the full picture. Resurrection and new life complete it.

This has meant a lot of interesting, humorous, and sometimes Daddy-stumping questions. Here are a few:

Micah- “When Chai died in your arms, how did the doctor get him up to heaven? Did he just walk him over to a chute that sucked him up to Jesus?”

Isaac- “What Chai doin’ with Jesus now?”

Isaac- “Where God’s house?” Me- “God doesn’t really have a house like we do.” Ike- “Where he go night-night then?”

Micah- “Is Chai going to be a baby when Heaven comes down? Will I get to feed him?”

Isaac- “How God make Heaven come down?” Micah- (matter-of-factly) “Ike, he just says ‘Heaven, come down’ and it will come down. He just has to say it.”

Micah- “Dad, if you go to Heaven before I do, will you find Chai so you can show me who he is when I get there?”

Isaac- “When Chai comes out of his grave, I want to sit on top of it.” Me- “Why?” Isaac- I want to ride him up to heaven!”

In all of our conversation about death, my kids have not yet once told me of a fear of death. Why? Because we don’t speak of death as final. We don’t act as if we are afraid of death, because Jesus defeated permanent death on the cross. When we think about the resurrection, that God in Christ takes our spirit to be with him at the moment of death and will then raise our physical bodies and make them perfect upon his return, there is nothing to fear. We begin to take the mindset of the apostle Paul in Philippians 1:21-23 where he says, “To live is Christ, and to die is gain…My desire is to depart and be with Christ,”. We begin to pray as John does in Revelation 22:20. After having the beauty of the new heaven and new earth coming down, John can’t help but long for the return of Christ. This is how my kids are praying now! Come, Lord Jesus. Bring Heaven down. The echo of the Abba Cry from Romans 8 that asks God to restore and renew creation is heard from my children at the kitchen table and by their bedsides in prayer.

My kids have reminded me in this time to look forward to the resurrection. They have reminded me that if what I teach them is true, then why shouldn’t we be at least a little excited for Chai in that he is with Jesus. Why shouldn’t we be praying daily for the return of Christ?

My family now thinks about, talks about, and prays for the return of Christ on a daily basis. Just another way Chai has helped make us more ‘Alive’. Thank God I didn't "protect" them from the truth.

Trev

How God Prepared Me for the Hardest Day of My Life

2010-07-19T13:20:00.002-04:00

Many have commented to me during this time after my youngest son’s death about the attitude with which my wife and I have endured this suffering. I think some may mistakenly understand us as super-spiritual or possessing some gift beyond what any other Christ-follower has been given. Let me dispel this myth quickly.

God has a pattern of preparing his children for the suffering and trials that are sure to come. I see this mainly in two Biblical characters. Abraham and Paul. Abraham (Gen 12-22) was anything but a “Super-Christian” or “God-fearer”. He lied, pimped out his wife, slept with her secretary, and blatantly did not trust God, even laughing sometimes at His promises. But each time he sinned, God did not reject him, send him away, or tell him that he had changed his mind about his promise. See, every time Abraham chose his own way over God’s or tried to provide for himself a way of escape from his circumstances, God reminded him of his promise to Abraham that was given not based on anything Abe did, but on God’s plan to rescue the world. This happens over and over for 9 chapters. Sin, restate the promise. Sin, restate the promise. Sin, restate the promise. So if you only read Chapter 22 where Abraham is called to sacrifice his only son Isaac, you might think that he is a super-spiritual God-fearer. Not so. Abraham believes that God will raise Isaac from the dead (Hebrews 11:17-19) because God has chosen to make such an indelible mark on Abraham’s life with regard to promise keeping that God’s promise to make a great nation from Isaac has become more real than even the circumstance in which he finds himself. He truly walks by faith in the sure promise of God rather than by sight of the terrifying circumstance of losing his child.

Paul also endures intense suffering for the sake of the spread of the gospel, but always seems to have God’s glory in perspective. He sings songs in prison, doesn’t fear death, and vigorously writes most of the New Testament while imprisoned. His focus is constantly on the advancement of God’s name in his people for his kingdom. How? Well, before he was Paul, he was Saul. A terrible persecutor and murder who hunted and killed Christians. When he met Jesus on the road to Damascus, and subsequently Ananias who spoke for God, Jesus told him that he was a “chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles…for I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.” See, Saul was familiar with the way suffering spread the message of Christ. After all, he was the one who had been trying to stop it. But it seemed the more Christians he killed, the worse the pain he inflicted, the faster and more deep the gospel spread. As a persecutor, Saul was frustrated with the way suffering advanced the kingdom of God. As a new believer in Christ, Paul would now be shown the mysteries of suffering for the name of Christ before he was to endure them.

How does God prepare his saints to suffer for his name? I don’t have the time now to write the many ways I have come to embrace this truth. However, there is one thing in particular that God has done recently with me to prepare me. On June 20^th, Father’s Day, I was privileged to preach at my church on the glories and suffering involved in adoption. I’d encourage you to listen to/watch it now (scroll down to June 20th) and hear how God was preparing me for this tragedy of losing my son. I poured over Romans 8 for 2 weeks. As I prepared, God clearly showed me in Scripture what the Abba Cry was. A cry that does not curse God during moments of realizing the curse of sin, but calls confidently to our Loving Heavenly Papa to come back and make things right again. It is a longing for the resurrection of the saints as a precursor to the renewal of all creation.

Because of the way God drew me into his Word and understanding of this truth, when Chai died I set my thoughts on the renewal of creation and put my trust in his promise to resurrect, renew, and as my sons’ “Jesus Storybook Bible” puts it, “make the sad things untrue.”

Like Abraham, God reminded me of his promise when I needed it most. Like Paul, through His promise I understood the response and need for suffering. But he didn’t put me in the situation until I was ready, because he promises He will never allow me to be tempted beyond what I can bear (1 Cor 10:12-13). So the Atwoods are not any sort of “Super Christians”. We are simply hurting people who Believe and Remember the promise of God and Wait for Him to make it happen.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

Trevor Atwood, Chai's Daddy

Chai Samuel Atwood...1 Day for the Fame of Jesus and the Glory of God

2010-07-13T08:43:00.006-04:00

How many tears can I cry until I have none left? I may find the answer to that mystery soon.

My youngest son lived just over 1 Day. How do I make that make any sense- to me, to my wife, to my Micah and my Isaac? There is only one hope of even beginning to understand this. It is the same hope that offers us any understanding for all of our lives, no matter the length. It is the sure hope of the glory of God.

Despite our world's narcissistic understanding of existence, this world, our lives, were not created for us. We were made to image God. To show him off. To display his character. To declare truth in the midst of falsehood, light in the darkness. In short, the purpose for life is to bring fame and glory to God.

Many miss this truth. Many live long lives, amass great wealth, become loved and adored by millions, and even do very good things for the world...but they miss the truth. Jesus death on the cross and resurrection to life is not a nice story. Neither is it your "ticket to heaven". It is the only way we can do what we were created to do. It is the only way that God made for us to overcome our own treason against a Father that perfectly loves us first. Our self-worship means that we are not worshipping him. Jesus death and resurrection, the gospel, is the only way to true life, one that worships and glorifies God.

Chai Samuel Atwood did not understand this truth. He could not. But God has made a way for children, those who cannot yet understand their own sinful natures and need for redemption, to be brought into his loving fellowship and to be made new. I thank God that Chai is with Jesus awaiting the resurrection of his body.

Chai lived only a day, but through his life and death, many will be reminded of the gospel and, we pray, trust the Jesus who has given him new life. In 24 hours God did more with a helpless, weak, baby than many who do not trust him, live for him, do in an entire lifetime. This is just like God (2 Corinthians 1:26-31). Why do we waste our lives by keeping the gospel silent? Why do we live as if these truths are not real and do not need to be proclaimed? It is because, many times, we think it will show us weak. It will expose us as needy. It will cause others to look at us strangely, to mock us. But God uses the weak to shame the strong so that no one will boast.

So this is where Chai has challenged me. If there is a hope like that of the gospel; a great hope that Romans 8 speaks of, that 1 Corinthians 15 speaks of, a resurrection, a renewal of creation, then I must make it known. I must live as if it is true.

I cannot waste the life and death of Jesus. It is clear that he accomplished salvation on the cross and through his resurrection. I cannot waste the life of my son, Chai. It is clear that his 24 hours of life and all-to-early death have brought the light of the gospel to many. But, I can waste my own life. I can sit on this truth and not live it and speak it daily. I can dope myself with the morphine of my own flesh and this world that comes in the form of life's comforts and ease. Or I can cry out with creation, "Abba, Father! Fix this broken world! Renew this sinful people!" All along, loving and living like there is a resurrection and that the God who created everything through and for his son (Colossians 1:15-20; Romans 11:36) loves me with an everlasting love.

The pain for me makes the message more urgent. Though it will remain, it will lessen in weeks, months, and years to come. For most of you who read this, you will forget the pain even more quickly. Do not pass this opportunity the Lord has afforded to commit yourself to him. It won't happen by promising him to do more or be a better person (Romans 4:5). The change you need, the change you long for, will only come by trusting him with every part of your life.

The gospel is not obey then be loved by God. It is that God has loved you perfectly in Christ, so you want to obey him. Trust him in your marriage. Trust him at your job. Trust him with kids and family. To believe the gospel is to give God everything in response to his great love for you (Romans 12:1-2). This is the way to life (John 1:4).

Chai's name means "Alive". How paradoxical that a child whose name means "alive" died in order for God to bring the message of life in Christ to many.

Does the life you have been graciously given scream the truth of the gospel? Chai's life and death has now for 24 hours and will continue to eternity.

I love you, son. Rest well in Christ.

The Surprise Came This Morning...Chai is Here!!!

2010-07-11T13:53:00.003-04:00

Keva woke up this morning feeling fine. She had breakfast and was settling in for another long day of sitting in bed. She began to experience extreme discomfort in her stomach when touched and her fever began to rise...a sure sign of infection. The doctor checked her out and said she wanted to begin to induce labor. We were given a time table of 6 hours and told that we would try to deliver vaginally first. If Chai couldn't take the contractions because of his pre-maturity, we would change to a C-section.

Then it all began to happen fast. Keva's pain and fever escalated quickly. The 6 hours turned to immediate birth by C section. They wheeled Keva away from me at about 10:30 and told me I could come down in about 20 minutes after they had her prepped. The risk of infection already had my mind thinking about what it might be like to lose my wife and youngest son. There I was, helpless in a cold hospital room, dressed in scrubs. I picked up my Bible and read Romans 8 over and over, specifically v. 28-39. I was reminded of the supremacy of Christ and his love. I remembered the ultimate overcoming love of a Father. I remembered by adoption as a son. I remembered the suffering that is in the world through sin and the character that suffering produces. I remembered the cross and the glory that is given to those who trust and love God in Christ. I could breathe again. I prayed these verses for Keva, Chai, and myself and was prepared to walk humbly with God through this whole thing.

The nurse came into the room and told me it was time. I wiped the tears away quickly. We passed the room with the doctors and nurses that were waiting for Chai. There were about 6-8 of them on the ready for the delivery. It was comforting to see them...all focused on the task at hand, the survival of my son. We walked next door to the OR where Keva was and I sat at her head while the doctors went to work. As I quoted Romans 8:28 to her, the Anesthesiologist who was right next to me overheard and said, "Yes, that's right. All things work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose." A reassuring word indeed from a brother in Christ. Just as they pulled Chai out, I was able to stand and look at him for about 5 seconds. He looked bigger than I expected and was wriggling around like crazy. He looked active.....ALIVE! As big tears welled up in my eyes, I described to Keva what I saw. They quickly rushed Chai next door to the awaiting doctors to get feeding and breathing tubes and Keva and I rejoiced.

I am still waiting to see Chai as they finish his prep and settling in the incubator in ICU.

Thank you all for your encouraging notes, texts, tweets, and FB messages. It is so comforting to know you are praying. Chai was born just as our church family was gathered for worship. All of the Summit Church was able to pray together for him and Keva. Thank you, Lord for working through the prayers of your people!

Please continue to pray for Chai's health and Keva's recovery during these crucial first hours and days. I will update after I see Chai this afternoon.

Trev

No Surprises Last Night

2010-07-11T07:59:00.002-04:00

Chai stayed put. Keva slept as well as anyone who has to get a shot in the bottom at 4 am.

She was up for an hour anticipating the steroid shot, then stayed up praying until she fell asleep. (Yes, she prayed both ask of the Lord and to fall asleep.) Again, the steroid shot was to boost Chai's lung development in case he comes. Keva didn't feel any contractions last night. They have seemed to subside for the time being, where they were at times as close as 30 min apart yesterday.

After the shot, we both slept until about 7:30 this AM. Thanks for your prayers for rest. God is mercifully answering our prayers with a yes so far. Please keep praying for Keva, Chai, Micah, Isaac and me.

I'll update again if any changes happen today. If not, I'll update at the end of the day.

So Far, So Good

2010-07-10T21:08:00.002-04:00

It is 9:10 EDT. Keva is hitting the sack. Well, she is in the sack all day, guess she is just closing her eyes to sleep.

It has been a long tiresome day, but Chai is still holding tight, healthy as can be in the womb.

I am spending the night tonight with Keva to help see her through these initial 2 days. Please pray for good rest for both of us and for the Lord to keep Chai right where he is. Pray for supernatural growth and maturing for Chai during this time. Pray for Micah and Isaac to rest well and understand as much as they can what is going on. Most of all, pray for God to put his lovingkindness on display through the Atwoods and through his church.

Thank you to all the family and friends who are praying and helping out. All the messages, texts, and tweets are a great encouragement. I'll update in the morning. Good night.

Trev

Sign up to Help with Meals

2010-07-10T16:47:00.000-04:00

http://foodtidings.com/SignUp.aspx?ScheduleGuid=994d4275-0511-498a-9b57-63129b8904d9

Keva & Chai

2010-07-10T12:20:00.002-04:00

Well, its been a while. I'll post updates here on Keva and Chai's status.

First, to all who are praying, thank you.

Here is how we got to where we are right now. Keva has been high risk throughout this pregnancy for a pre-term delivery. This is no surprise, but we hoped she would make it past 30 weeks. At the moment, she is 26 weeks and 5 days.

This morning at 2:45 I was awakened from a dead sleep to Isaac calling for help. He wet the bed. As I was changing him, Keva called out from the our bedroom that she was "leaking". I left Isaac standing there no pants on (which looking at the last post from 1.5 years ago, you might think he rarely wears clothing). When we turned the light on, we could see it was Keva's water that had broken. At this point I am thinking, "Chai is about to pop out!"...so I shifted into Super Dad mode, which means running from room to room and up and down stairs not exactly sure what to do. We called Spence and Courtney Shelton (fellow pastor @SummitRDU) and Spence, also a Super Dad, came over to stay with the boys. I don't remember much of this craziness except at one point somehow I had taken Ike downstairs and he was standing there with no pants and his underwear in his hand as I told Keva to wrap up in a towel and get in the car. Micah slept through the whole thing, lights on and all.

We arrived at the ER and were quickly taken to Labor and Delivery. Keva was given a steroid to help Chai's lungs to mature quickly, bracing him for the real world. (Immediately, Keva's batting average went up 20 points and she hit 35 homers before the all-star break.) She also received an IV with Magnesium to stop labor and prevent cerebral palsy (sp?) in Chai. We had a great team of doctors and nurses here at Duke Hospital that were wonderful through the whole thing.

The Plan: Ideally, the baby stays in another 7 weeks to get us to 34 weeks, then they would induce labor. That is an outside shot, though. About a 50-50 shot at this kid coming in the next 30 hours. But Keva is stable and resting well now.

Micah and Isaac are taken care of through the weekend until my parents get here on Sunday evening.

We may need some meals, but update on how you can help next post.

Chai is Hebrew (transliterated) for "Alive". We named him this not because of physical life, but because of the life that Keva and I have experienced in our relationship with God in Christ (John 1:4). We are praying that God gives him physical life and are trusting the one who gave his Son so that we might know true life.

More to come...

Valentine's Day

2009-02-14T13:46:00.003-05:00

Why is Valentine's Day so important in the Atwood home?

Well last year it took on much more significance. Why? Because it was the day Isaac Sentayehu became an Atwood. It was the day we waited for for nearly a year. We had been postponed in court twice and just knew that when given the date of Feb 14th we could not loose...and we didn't, we won BIG time.

So we celebrate Isaac today and his being a part of our family for 1 year. He has brought so many new changes to our family. I know I have mentioned before just how different he and Micah are, but I cannot stress that enough...they are night and day. It has taken this whole year to not only adjust to the newness of Isaac and his beautiful personality, but his great many changes in going from 17months to 28months. He has changed so much. He brings us great joy with just a laugh and smile.

We could not imagine life without this precious boy, who just in the process of adopting him brought us closer to our Lord. During his adoption is when we really began to look above and beyond God's heart for us (in His adoption of us) but also His heart for the nations. He doesn't just love Americans, He loves all people from all nations. This included Isaac from the country of Ethiopia in the great land of Africa. We pray we will show God's love to Isaac in our love and actions for him and others and he will one day trust Jesus with his whole life.

Thank You God for allowing us the great privilege of parenting Isaac Sentayehu Atwood.

help!!!

2009-01-24T19:54:00.002-05:00

Okay, so when we set out to expand our family i knew in my head it would be louder and more chaotic in my home....but shish! I feel like most days when my boys in the same room together i could loose my mind. Is it just me or do some of you feel this way?

They intentionally run into each other just to see how the other will react.

They squeeze each other just to aggravate the other and then says, "but i was just try to give him a hug."
They bite
They tackle
They take one anothers toy

And then they come screaming and crying that their feelings are hurt!!! I mean hello someone help me.

I know it's all normal and it's what i have to look forward to for the next ye many years...but i may send them to the zoo!!!!

reading and loose teeth...

2009-01-01T19:52:00.003-05:00

Micah's first loose tooth (the one on the right in the middle bottom pair)

These things mark our New Year. Micah woke up this morning and said, "Mom, I think I have a loose tooth." Me, being a little leery said, "Let me take a look." Sure enough, he has a loose tooth on the bottom front. I can't tell you the emotion I felt at that simple thing. I look at him at times and marvel at how big he is getting, but a loose tooth- that is huge. So, now we get to hear for the next however many days or weeks it takes to fall out..."Mom, I cant eat that, I cant brush my teeth, I can't play with that it may knock out my tooth." I cannot wait to see him without his first tooth. I may actually cry...my boy is growing up.

Okay, so if that wasn't enough, he is reading too. We have been working on this for some time, but to see it actually take shape then come out is something quite remarkable. We have been going through sight words and word charts and everything else you can think of to help him progress. Well, tonight Trevor took a First Start Reader book to bed for reading time and I heard these words,"Micah you read that whole book, way to go buddy, you read the whole thing!"

Oh the great joys of parenthood!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Sticks, Stones, and Words that Hurt...The Gospel and Adoption

2008-12-22T15:59:00.009-05:00

My sons and me camping in a great spot...their bedroom.

Keva has been away from the blog for a while and ask me (Trevor) to do a guest post. She specifically wanted me to post something regarding a situation we find ourselves in quite a bit, especially during the Christmas season. So, hello to everyone out there and here we go.

The other day picked up a flyer with these troubling words in bold- ADOPT A CHILD FOR CHRISTMAS. Granted, the intentions were very good and in support of a cause I also supported, the language, however, left something to be desired and communicated an incorrect message about adoption and the truth of the Gospel.

At risk of sounding like a jerk or a societal adoption-moralist watchdog (I am already a licensed wordsmith and member of the grammar police), I think it is important to think about the words one uses. Admittedly, we (Keva and I) thought nothing of the occasional “adopt a highway” sign or speaking in terms of “adopting” animals from a shelter. But, despite the cultural “adoption” of these word uses as the norm, I’d like to propose to all of you good readers (describing you the reader, not your ability to read…in which case I would have written “all of you who read well…see, grammar police), to think about breaking the cultural norm and thinking in terms of highest use of the word adoption.

As a believer of the Gospel, (the fact that Jesus Christ was born, fully God, fully man, lived a sinless life, was crucified and killed, buried, and resurrected to pay the penalty for my sin, giving me his righteousness and the freedom to no longer be enslaved to sin but to be a servant of the one true, living God and enjoy him forever) the Bible describes me as a son of God. By way of both new birth and by way of adoption. This, in no way, is given as any sort of temporary condition. It is permanent…eternal…and beautiful. When we use it as a word indicating a temporary relationship, we dilute the power, beauty, and permanency it is intended to convey.

We don’t adopt children for a season. We may sponsor a child to provide gifts for at Christmas…and in the case of the flyer, the purpose was to share and give credence to the very Gospel that the Bible speaks of in terms of adoption. It’s almost as if two different ideas are being communicated with the simple misuse of a word. “We will adopt you temporarily…and that’s what God wants to do…adopt you!” What does that say about God’s intentions for us with adoption?

We don’t adopt dogs. We care for them. We provide for them, but we do not, and should not hold them as humans or our children and use language that communicates that relationship. While seemingly innocent, what do we communicate about the worth of bearing God’s image, as humans do and animals do not?

Finally, as most of you know, my two sons are adopted. All of their short lives with us, we have told them of the glory of God in adoption and related our adoption of them with how God adopts his children. It is permanent, eternal, and beautiful. My sons (especially Micah) are very proud that they are adopted because they know it is a permanent expression of Momma and Daddy’s love for them.

Now, think for a moment, all of those who think I am overreacting, about the day Micah can read well (as he is already beginning to pick it up). There he is, flier in hand, “Adopt a Child for Christmas.” Think of the questions that raises in his mind about adoption. Is it permanent? Is it just a nice thing people do? Did my Momma and Daddy just adopt me as a Christmas present?

Think again about a person doting over their animals and speaking of their adoption as children. What does that say to my boys? What does that say about God’s adoption of his children?

I don’t want at all for this to be a rebuke, or to make anyone feel guilty. That is not my intention. It is simply something we deal with quite frequently and will more as our boys grow. I am simply asking all of us to think about what our words and common phrases communicate. Not just for my kids sake, but for the sake of saturating our language with the truth of the Gospel, of which adoption has a rather prominent position.

We love you all and wish you a Merry Christmas. We pray you are an adopted child of God and follower of Jesus Christ, in whose name we celebrate all year long because through him, we have peace with God and the spirit of sonship by which we can call the God of the Universe our “Daddy”.

Micah's Soccer season

2008-11-17T16:54:00.002-05:00

Micah played club soccer this fall and had a blast. He did a really good job doing the one on one drills during practice, but got a little silly during the actual play. He was so proud of his very first trophy. We always picture him playing One Goal Sports, so it was a little bitter sweet when he began, but we enjoyed our time with Triangle Futbol Club. He is already wanting to play again. He will begin basketball in Dec. and then do soccer again in the Spring.

My two boys...

2008-11-06T22:37:00.002-05:00

Happy Halloween!

2008-11-03T15:15:00.004-05:00

Be sure to check the next two post after this one...
I was on a roll!

Getting ready to leave for the fun...

Wolverine & Spiderman going door to door.

Some scary people...

the Atwoods...Happy Halloween!

We went back to Wake Forest for trick or treating and dinner with friends. The boys had so much fun. Isaac was so independent. I often said I would have gotten out cheaper just to draw a huge 2 on a shirt for his costume. He was all of it that night. Having two boys is a lot of fun...but a lot of work...

Isaac turned 2

2008-11-03T14:32:00.003-05:00

enjoying his birthday present...a kitchen.

blowing out the candles (look at that hair).

The Cake, Micah made.

Making The Cake!

Yes, that's right my little boy turned two on October 15th. We just spent the day at home with the family. Micah made his cake and we filled the house with balloons. It was just what he needed. Granny-Jeal (trevor's mom) was here, so she got to be a part of this special occasion.

the Mexican Wedding

2008-11-03T13:55:00.004-05:00

the beautiful bride

the officiator and sister (me & Trevor)

our house while there...yes, the whole thing (thanks mom & dad)

beautiful San Miguel Del Allende

me and the boys in the Jardin...the center of this quaint town

In early October my family got the great privilege of going to Mexico for my sister's wedding. We went down for a week and walked the cobble stoned streets, enjoyed the parades(it was San Miguel Week), not so much (enjoyed that is) the fireworks that went off every night for hours into the middle of the night, spent time with family and of course partake in the most beautiful wedding I have ever been to. Enjoy the pics. Congrats sister and brother-in-law on one month of wedded bliss...right?

tagged...

2008-09-28T14:06:00.003-04:00

by my sweet friend Kerry.

1. What time did you get up this morning?
7:44am
2. Diamonds or pearls?
neither
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema?
i can't even remember it has been sooooo long.
4. What is your favorite TV show?
that's hard...Grey's Anatomy
5. What do you usually have for breakfast?
Coffee...i know real healthy.
6. What is your middle name?
Renee
7. What food do you dislike?
most casseroles (sp?).
8. What is your favorite CD at moment?
No real favorite
9. What kind of car do you drive?
Jeep Grand Cherokee
10. Favorite sandwich?
Club
11. What characteristic do you despise?
snobby
12. Favorite item of clothing?
skinny jeans
13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go?
Italy
14. Favorite brand of clothing?
Gap
15. Where would you retire to?
Nantucket...I don't know!
16. What was your most recent memorable birthday?
1999, got married the day after!
17. Favorite sport to watch?
UNC basketball
18. When is your birthday?
May 28th
19. Are you a morning person or a night person?
definitely night!
20. What is your shoe size?
8-81/2
21. Pets?
none....not an animal person.
22. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us?
i leave in two days with the whole family, for a whole week, for my sister's wedding...in Mexico!!!
23. What did you want to be when you were little?
successful business woman, Heather Locklear on Melrose place was my idol...yea i know, i've come a long way.
24. How are you today?
great!
25. What is your favorite candy(lollie/chocolate)?
three muskateers DARK chocolate
26. What is your favourite flower?
Gerber Daisies
27. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to?
Sept. 30th leave for Mexico...then Oct. 4th the Wedding!!!
28. What is your full name?
Keva Renee...
29. What are you listening to right now?
football in the background
30. What was the last thing you ate?
mac&chesse
31. Do you wish on stars?
no
32. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?
orange...i don't know.
33. How is the weather right now?
77 and sunny
34. The first person you spoke to on the phone today?
my friend Rachel, but through text messaging does that count
35. Favorite soft drink?
coke
36. Favorite restaurant?
PF Changs
37. Real hair color?
dirty blonde...not literally dirty.
38. What was your favorite toy as a child?
barbies
39. Summer or winter?
Really, I'm a Fall girl!
40. Hugs or kisses?
Hugs
41. Chocolate or Vanilla?
chocolate chocolate chocolate
42. Coffee or tea?
coffee, definitely coffee
43. When was the last time you cried?
can't remember, but i know it was probably not that long ago.
44. What is under your bed?
tub of DVD's
45. What did you do last night?
watched a dumb movie...Made of Honor.
46. What are you afraid of?
not doing a good enough job raising my kids, i know, silly, but it is what i think of often.
47. Salty or sweet?
Sweet
48. How many keys on your key ring?
7ish
49. How many years at your current job?
Stay-at-home Mom- 4 1/2 years.
50. Favorite day of the week?
Saturday...
51. How many places have you lived in?
2; TN & NC
52. Do you make friends easily?
yes!

that was fun...I tag; Courtney & Lori W.

Order Now!

2008-09-27T14:40:00.002-04:00

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Six months....

2008-09-17T14:45:00.002-04:00

First few days in Ethiopia 6 months ago...

...and now 6 months later.

Can you believe it...Isaac has been an Atwood for 6 months.

It is had to look back and him not be a part of our family. Although when I do sit a reflect back over all that has occurred in the past six it is astonishing.

Isaac started off in pictures as this little boy who we were told was timid to strangers and did not like smiling for the camera. Then comes the long hard three weeks of utter shock and lots o tears.

But since that time, he has blossomed into the most lovable, happy kiddo. He has the best smile. It just lights up his whole face. To watch him run is to precious. He has this great twist and whole body action. I laugh nearly every time. I just can't help those little things. He is my big helper. He loves to put away shoes and toys, help with the laundry, and most of all be where ever cooking is happening.

It has been great to reflect even over my own changes this time around. He definitely is the second child. I can tell it in nearly every aspect. I have to remind myself to take pictures. He doesn't get carried on my hip 14/7 like someone else I know. I keep telling people, "My kids not going to know any nursery rhymes."eeekkkkk! He drinks out of a cup and with big people utensils. And you all may be saying, "that's great" but you have to know what a lurker, spoiler, do everything for you kinda mother i was with my first. They will be so different. What am I saying they already are night and day.

Isaac will be two next month and though I know I missed out on so much of the first of his precious life I am so thankful he is here now. We will get many more birthdays, laughs, tears, scraps, hold yous, I love yous and I will treasure every one. I thank my God for those moments and for giving us a heart for orphans, just like the heart He has for us as sons and daughters in need of a Savior and Father.

Hanna brought us a Snapping turtle.

2008-09-06T13:45:00.004-04:00

Trev went outside after the rain & wind had stopped that tropical storm Hanna brought us and found a snapping turtle. Watch Trevor trying to get the turtle to a new home. BTW, Micah was inside no were near the turtle and Isaac was in my arms watching very nervously as i got it all on video.

First Day of Kindergarten

2008-09-06T13:21:00.003-04:00

First day of school.

Ready to go and so over pictures.

Putting his bag in his cubbie/bin.

Mrs. Alana helping them go through their checklist before entering the classroom.

Yes, my little boy is growing up. He started K on Wednesday. He was so excited not at all (in appearance) nervous. Enjoy pictures of the first day. He goes to a half day licensed K which we were so grateful to find and get him into. Give me (and MICAH) one more year before we start the public school system. Which he can then go to K again or start 1st grade. Great options.

Two Little Shepherds

2008-08-30T22:22:00.003-04:00

I had read the story of the shepherds in the field before Jesus' birth the night preceding this video. So Micah wanted to act it out the next day. Of course, Isaac, wanting to always do what his big brother does, had to also put on a shepherd costume.

Isaac's neck was so stiff trying to hold his head up, he resembled ET in the scene where ET is dressed as a ghost for Halloween. He had the same ET waddle going on.

Do they have to grow up?

Our New Home...

2008-08-29T19:27:00.006-04:00

Most know we moved from the quaint town of Wake Forest to the bigger city of Durham two months ago, but some may never get a chance to see it in person (mostly you TN people that live so far away). So I thought I would invite you into my home and give you a tour. Hopefully it will make you feel closer to us.

Welcome to the Crepe Myrtle draped entrance. It really is nice.

Entrance into breakfast nook/ kitchen.

Breakfast nook. I opted for no table so the kids would have more playing room in the kitchen.

It's my favorite room in the house. It has the most natural light than any other room in the house.

Kitchen.

Foyer and base of stairs.

Living Room, left wall.

Living room, right wall.

Dining area. It is right off the kitchen and shares space with living room.

Boys large room. This picture does no justice to how lucky they are.

Master Bedroom.

Everyone is welcome.

One of thosse days...

2008-08-28T17:09:00.002-04:00

We have had the craziest hectic week that has kept us from eating together, putting the kids down on time and together and just had us running all day everyday...until today. I got to catch up on laundry that has been sitting in piles since Monday morning, clean my house and just be at home. Then late afternoon hits and I get down in the dumps because once again, Trev has a commitment that takes him away from the house for dinner & bedtime.

I know many of you out there have husbands that work a lot and probably way more than mine and I should not be complaining, but it is hard and it is something I have to be in prayer about a lot or I get overwhelmed and then that makes me take it out on Trev. Contrary to my attitude I actually want him to fulfill his commitments that take him away from home a lot because i know it puts him in front of college students who need to know him and trust him, in order to minister the best he can to them. But ya know, it used to be something we did together and now it is very hard for me to go to one quarter of events, etc. I know the day will come when my kids are older and that will allow me to be more of a presence and support.

I know I am venting, just needed to get it off my chest so I could move on to making that dinner and preparing for that bedtime, I joyously get to do alone (;

This to shall pass...it already is. Thank you Jesus!

Camping With My Dad

2008-08-26T07:44:00.003-04:00

We had a fantastic weekend. Trevor has been so busy with ministry and school that we have not lately gotten a lot of quality family time. However, this weekend was full of it. The pictures above tell of our Friday night camping adventure in the backyard. We set up the tent (a first in oh about ten years), ate pizza and made s'mores over a...grill. I know it all screams city life, but we had so much fun. Isaac and I checked out at around 7oclock for Micah and Daddy to have some "Daddy and Me" time. They read books, told stories and as you can see, eventually sleep. It is memories for the books (even though I am horrible at writing this stuff down, so more for the mind to hold on to for years to come).

Trip to the Museum of Life & Science

2008-08-23T08:31:00.005-04:00

Addie & Micah at the Animal Barns

Us on the Butterfly bench before going into the Buttterfly Sanctuary

Isaac & Micah driving the sailboats. This was one of Micah's favorite things.

One of many fun things we crammed into our week was a trip to the Museum. I have been wanting to take Micah here for a while, but when we lived in WF it was to far and when we moved to Durham (it's home) the cost detoured me. But with the summer coming to a quick close I knew I needed to get Micah to this fabulous museum. So, I called up a friend and ask her and her children to tag along and gratefully they did. An added bonus to their company was she has a membership for four and covered one of us and then out of her kindness she paid the additional portion left. We had so much fun and we were only able to squeeze in the outside portion. So, next time we will have to finish off the experience by seeing the inside of the museum.

Cooking...

2008-08-19T15:47:00.005-04:00

One of my passions. I get this from my mom who, while I was little (and still even today as an empty-nester) loved to cook and experiment with foods, spices, and herbs. You name it she has probably tried it. She always made everything (well not everything) from scratch. Ya know the Sandra Lee(food network, Semi-homemade) way.

I wanted to go to culinary school in my early twenties, but everywhere I looked to go was not where I lived (remember I was married and settled at 21) and/or cost WAY to much money. So, it became a fleeting thought. I have daydreamed about it off and on for several years, but after watching shows like Chef Ramsey's, (are you kidding me) I realize I am not cut out to be in a restaurant kitchen. But catering has crossed my mind.

Anyway, for now I get to experiment with my family.

My sister came into town two weeks ago to do some taste testing with her chef for her wedding and my mom and I got to go with. Blair made all the things she wants on her(my sister) menu and they all broadened my food palette. The whole experience has given me the itch to be cooking for others again. I got a new cookbook right afterwards and I have been going to town not shying away from the unknowns of food but embracing them.

However for now and with a grateful heart, I will continue to be a mother and wife and play a supporting role in ministry with my husband. This too is a passion and it is where God has us. So, I will just have to use some of you in the RDU area as my guinea pigs to be able to use another creative side...cooking.

Great pictures random thoughts

2008-08-18T14:20:00.004-04:00

Aren't these just the cutest kids you have ever seen. They are getting so big. Isaac will be two in October and Micah starts Kindergarten in two weeks. As most of you I have two children with completely different personalities. Micah is my quiet, shy, never pitch a fit in public child, where Isaac on the other hand is my loud, never met a stranger, pitch a fit in public child. They both bring great joy into my life and quiet a bit a frustration as well.

Isaac is doing great for all those wondering about his adjustment. He of course had a very rough start but flipped a switch about a month in and became my little sparkle of laughter and joy, oh and screaming. Side note; my social worker came two months ago for or 3 month follow-up and got to see his screaming in action...her suggestion, "You need to get you some ear plugs, he is going to stress you out if you don't. And then it will be bad for all of you." Never did get those but have been working very hard on an inside voice. It has not gotten through yet, but we are working on it.

We have gone through a lot of change in the last few months which has added stress to life in general but we are getting through. Most of you know, but for those who don't Trevor began a new job as college pastor at our church right after we got home (from Ethiopia in March), then we moved to Durham almost two months ago and now Trevor is beginning another full load of classes today. Needless to say we have a jammed packed schedule, but we are learning to take it a day at a time. God gives the grace and sufficiency to get through each day, why would we even dare take on tomorrow or the next. But we all find ourselves looking toward the next day, month and trying to take it all on that very day. I do it when I look to a busy week and find myself feeling very anxious. Why do we do it? Because we want to control our lives is what it boils down to. Shame on us!

I have been checking out my old blogging friends over the weeks and months I have been gone. Alexanders I cannot wait to you get home with little Abe. Lori, what a beautiful room for you sweet girl. And the blog Union, what a huge success. I would have loved to have been there.
As I have been reading through blogs especially you who have small children and am finding that you don't blog as often either so I am going to give this thing another try as long as I get over my guilt of not blogging every other day or everyday. It may be just once a month but I am going to try. I have missed it.

Signing Off

2008-07-02T19:41:00.004-04:00

I hate to be the bearer of bad news (and to some this will not be), but I am not blogging any longer. The short and skinny of it is, that we no longer have a house computer, so I can't unless I do it a night on Trevor's laptop (like now). However, by the time the kids are in bed the last thing I really want to do is process my day and write it down.

I plan to keep it up(the blog) and check in now and again, and fill you in on any changes, but just not regularly.

The relationships I have made during our adoption process are and continue to be such an encouragement to me and my walk with Jesus. I look forward to stopping by your blogs and seeing your life and what God is doing with and through you. Much Love to you all!

Signing Off!!!

Baby Announcements

2008-06-12T22:09:00.004-04:00

I just completed my first baby announcement order. It was such a joy to be creative and see the final product. I thank my sweet friend Jill who trusted me with this special opportunity to show off her beautiful children. I know many of you out there are having by birth or adoption those precious new additions and I would love to help you show them off.
Check out Just For You By Keva. Enjoy!

turning 30...

2008-05-28T12:05:00.002-04:00

wow 30 years old. When I used to look ahead to thirty I saw myself; in my hometown; living in the house my husband and I bought at 23; growing our family; ministering to college students and my husband still the director of the sports ministry he ran and loving it. Little did I know that God would call my husband and our family to start over essentially. We moved to NC two years ago for him to pursue his Masters degree, where we moved into seminary housing, all 800 sq ft. of it and he began school all over again.

BUT, the year leading up to 30 has brought many new and exciting things. We have been apart of a church family and home that has a PASSION for preaching the gospel and planting churches in order to do so and reach as many people as possible. Trevor has been able to work next to our gifted teaching pastor and begin working with college students again as the college pastor at our church. And last but not least we brought home our second son.

So while I don't live in my beloved hometown anymore or own my own home God has blessed us with a church home, the continued growth of family and the opportunity to work with the greatest age demographic ever. We are growing to love and call NC home. We hope that God will allow us to stay in the area and minister to college students and young families in RDU for a long time to come.

Thank you to my husband who is away for the week for his precious and thoughtful gift and for Anna who brought it to me, my two friends who have brought chocolate chip cookies and all the phone calls. I feel loved and remembered as I enter this new decade.

Kudos...

2008-05-24T10:39:00.003-04:00

To a very clever website

Free Rice

Check this out.

You can feed children and test your vocabulary.

I was able to get to 1300 grains before I stopped,

but I will go back and do it again.

This makes me smile...

2008-05-18T22:17:00.002-04:00

Isaac playing with the marble maze and cracking up at himself.

He had us all in stitches.

Enjoy!

Happy Birthday Micah...

2008-05-17T12:02:00.006-04:00

I am a "whole hand."

We had his birthday party at a bounce house on Friday.

He had 20 friends come and enjoy the fun with him.

Well his birthday was actually on Wednesday but we have been celebrating up til yesterday. My parents and lil sister came over for Mother's day and they brought him a WII. Then on his birthday we went on a family picnic to the park. Finally, on Friday he had his party with friends at Jumpin Beans. He has had a fun, full week to say the least. I cannot even believe I am the parent of a five year old. Crazy!

Funny things he said the day before he turned 5, "Am I going to feel turning 5 in my sleep tonight?" "Is my thumb going to pop out (making five fingers)." The next day he woke up and he rushed into the living room and said,"I felt it, I felt in my sleep turning 5." He is so excited to be five. It is like he just hit a whole new age bracket. We love you sweet boy!

Family Picnic on his Birthday & Birthday Party at Jumpin Beans

Isaac the Engineer

2008-04-29T19:44:00.006-04:00

Micah at 3 1/2 constructing this masterpiece.

The newest engineer.

It may be time to bust out the train table. It looks like we have another Thomas lover. We have so much Thomas The Tank Engine stuff from when Micah went through this stage and Isaac is already showing a liking to the cheeky fella. Maybe train bribes will work on him after all, thanks for the idea Katie.

Early Birthday...

2008-04-29T19:37:00.001-04:00

Micah got an early birthday present from his grandparents. I can't believe he is about to be five. He got BIG bike to replace his little bike that he "will give to Isaac." We love you Grandpa and Granny-Jeal!

life as I know it...

2008-04-22T22:17:00.005-04:00

Are they not just the cutest! They make their momma proud.

I know I have been a slacker. Is there anyone out there that actually still checks this thing. Well I know I at least have one person, my sister, and she is the reason for the post. Who knew sitting down to the computer would be so difficult, but honestly it is. The ONLY time I have is at night and by this time of day the computer is the last thing I want to be on, but I love you guys so here is an update on the fam.

I would say when we got home, "When things get back to normal..." and someone said to me, "The normal you are looking for is gone you will have a NEW normal now." Well ladies and gents(if there are any, DP I know you read this thing) we have finally hit for now I believe, I hope, a NEW normal. The boys are doing so well. They fight yes, but only as they should. Isaac is biting, hitting, scratching, pulling hair, but he is 18mos. and it is so his type of personality. So, we deal.

I caught the boys today, playing together really well and it just warmed my heart. Isaac has been battling double ear infections for a week now and today I feel that he is getting over that hump and he was so pleasant to be around. He was walking around the house at one point blowing on a recorder (flute type instrument) and was so proud of himself for getting it to make noise. So cute!

Also, I think if I put forth a little effort Isaac could potty train right now. What do i do with that? He cannot verbally communicate, but he sure can point and grunt and pull on his diaper when he has either just gone or is about to. But, how do you potty train an 18mo. old? Anyone out there done this? Should I just wait or try? Micah could have cared less until he was 3 1/2yrs old. I am at a lose with this one.

Okay, that is all I have, sorry it is so lame. Bear with me, I will move past this selfish stage at some point and become a regular blogger again.

Too cute for words...

2008-04-05T21:19:00.002-04:00

the award goes to...

2008-04-02T22:21:00.004-04:00

So, my friend Katie graciously gave me an award that I must pass along. But first I must say a few things about Katie. Well, if you read her blog first, you will see how we met, but you won't learn anything about her(other than she is hilarious and quite a good writer). Let me help you out. She is one of those infectious people you just want to be around. She doesn't take herself to seriously, but she is serious about her children, her husband and her faith. She can have you in stitches laughing about just about anything. But most importantly she is a loyal friend (she offered to watch my son while gone to Ethiopia...she lives nine hours away, but was serious as a heart attack). I am so thankful that God brought us together through the adoption of our children from Russia and that we can stay connected through the blog world. Love you friend.

I would like to now nominate; Emily; Jamie; Rachel

Emily, I met through Ethiopian blogs several months ago. From the first comment on each others blogs, she has been a non-stop encouragement to me. She loves Jesus and it is real and genuine. That is what I admire about her. She is no phony. She loves her husband and it is the most adorable and loving thing to read her thoughts on her man. The love she has for her four now six children is contagious. She is a devoted mother who is passionate about taking every moment and making it teachable. God has brought her on the journey of a lifetime, through adoption. This is just the beginning of what will be the adventure of a LIFETIME! Love ya Sister!
Jamie, I met through our church small group. She too has a love for Jesus, her husband and her children that cannot be found to often. She makes life fun for her children. She is so creative with the ways she makes each day special for them from coffee Wednesday to turning everyday ordinary objects into the coolest art projects. I marvel at her thoughtfulness and love for her family and others. Do you really have to leave us? Love you!
Rachel, I met during her college years in the Boro. She was dating one of our college kids(who am I kidding he was our age) who was family to us. So, if he was family then so was she. She quickly became one of my dearest friends. What I love about her is that when she loves someone, she loves them with every fiber in her being. She fights for what she wants and doesn't let go easily. She loves Jesus passionately and it overflows to her husband and her baby boy. She has a heart for women and seeing them grow in love with our Savior. You are a beloved friend, one unmatched by any other.

The thread that binds each one of us is our love for Jesus and our family and that is why they MAKE MY DAY! Now, each of you has to award this to whomever you choose. Have fun!

Adjustments!

2008-03-27T19:42:00.005-04:00

First day, leaving the Gladney Foster Home.

Today at home. We are truly blessed!

As I sit down with a cup of Ethiopian coffee and I am going to do my best to articulate my thoughts on this whole adjustment thing, per your request.

Prior to our living for E we were told numerous times that Isaac does not like strangers and may take a while to adjust to all the changes. This is when we began praying more fervently that God would intervene supernaturally and knit our hearts together before we even met.

Meeting him for the first time. Well, the short of it is he cried a lot. We did not feel it was a good idea to string out our stay at the foster house because of this so we left within 20-30mins. of arriving. Sadly, due to his hard adjustments while in E we felt it was not the best idea to take him back and further confuse him, so we were not able to visit that particular house again.

The first few days. Those were very rough. He cried a lot. He was very attached to me, but would have NOTHING to do with Trevor. That actually lasted until we left. Even though he was hanging on to me for dear life every hour of every day, I still felt that for him I was just a lesser of to evils. In those days I just prayed that God would intervene and bring peace to his heart and help me to not resist bonding with this child that I felt did not want anything to do with being a part of our family. Hear me out, I knew better. He was just a confused little boy who was very scared.

The remainder of our very long trip he had his brief moments of laughing, smiling, and babbling. He was still very clingy, and only preferring one parent. This meant I fed, bathed, changed, put to bed, and held him everyday. As hard as it was we continued to tell ourselves he will get better, he will adjust, this is only for a time, it will not last forever.

Home Sweet Home. From the time we got home we have felt that he is more comfortable. That does not mean we feel he is not afraid to wake up and find that things have changed again. Sometimes he will give us this, fear of the unknown look. We have our great days, were he will spread his wings and fly and days were he fears to leave the nest. We have begun to recognize his facial expressions. He has a look of; oh no you did not just tell me NO; who are you people; joy; and scared.

Even though it has been hard we know and knew it would not be easy. Do I lose it sometimes in frustration, yes. But God is very quick to convict my heart and I ask my sweet children who are struggling as much as I am to adjust to life's changes, for forgiveness. I love them and thank God for both of them. I continue to pray God would give me wisdom, perseverance, and patience to make it through each difficult day. And he does, usually by giving me a "spread your wings and fly" day.

If you want to read two emails we sent while in Ethiopia on this subject written by my wonderful husband click here and go to the previous posts marked Adoption and Ministry and Part 2(this is our pastor's blog). Trevor has great words of wisdom, it is worth reading.

Happy Easter

2008-03-23T20:45:00.006-04:00

What a truly amazing day we had. We were able to all go to church as a family. Isaac was with me the whole time, but there were so many people that were so anxious to meet him it was a joy. Then a pastor at our church had several families over to their house for Easter dinner and an egg hunt. Isaac became a different child while there. He got down out of my arms (not normal) and explored. He was cracking up at everything and smiling. He never whimpered if I walked by and didn't pick him up. It was so much fun to just watch him be comfortable and playful. He is changing with each passing day. He is learning that we are for keeps, but we know we have a while to go with the adjustments. These pictures we took at the Thompson's house after the hunt. They were so cute. Enjoy!

We're Home!

2008-03-15T18:44:00.005-04:00

We made it home yesterday afternoon after 26 hours in a plane or airport.....glad that's over.

Isaac is doing great. He had/we had a rough first few days (will post more on that later), but he has taken baby steps everyday. Each new smile, laugh, word (yes, he says, mama, dada, mima(Micah), car) is treasured. They didn't come easily. Since yesterday he has blossomed. He seems so much more comfortable at home. It's as if he knew this was coming and was just like, finally we are here. However, car seats, high-chairs, crib are all foreign to him so since yesterday he has experienced a lot of things he does not like (currently is crying in his crib).

Trevor and I are doing great, I think. I have my moments of frustration, but Trev is always there to help me deal (not sure what I will do come Monday when he leaves me alone).

Micah, is adjusting. He does not like it when Isaac cries, which can be very loud and for a long time. He wants to comfort him with hugs and funny faces, but that sometimes only makes him more mad. I think because we were gone for so long (13 days) we want to just make sure he still loves us and hasn't forgotten how things were, but once we stepped off the plane things for him were not as they were before we left. So, i guess you could say he is taking baby steps as well.

Ethiopia, was an amazing experience that I hope to post about very soon, but just not now. Still trying to process it all...baby steps, ya know (:

I know you all are dieing to see pics. of Isaac, but for some reason this dumb thing won't upload my pictures. Sorry. Will try again later.

God's Grace

2008-02-25T14:42:00.002-05:00

In our flurry of trying to get everything ready for our trip I do not want to lose hold of what God has done and what He will continue to do for us. He has redeemed us and shown us what a true adopted family looks like and provided us with the most amazing calling of rescuing and adopting children. We have had our ups and downs in this journey, but not once have I felt forsaken by God. I pray our children will see that same model in us. That our love for them is unconditional and that they can trust that. In doing so that they will have an easier time understanding that God exist and loves them even more than we do.

We are preparing to meet our son and praying that God has supernaturally connected our hearts. We are so blessed to have this calling placed on our lives. There is no greater joy than seeing Micah and soon Isaac come to know the Lord. Jesus' greatest commandment is "go and make disciples...", well God has called me to be a stay at home mom with the responsibility of discipling two unbelievers that will by the grace of God be a part of His adopted family in His perfect timing.

5 1/2 more days til we leave, 4 1/2 suitcases packed, & so much more to get done.

It is all coming together...

2008-02-21T10:52:00.004-05:00

A place to rest our heads for 13 days...CHECK! We are staying at the New Flower Guest House. We are thrilled to have gotten a room there. Check it out as a cheaper option for lodging. Or check out Miranda's blog, she has written about it.
WOW! This was an ordeal, but we had some fantastic help (; Flights were all full on the day we were to leave and no flight the day before or day after, so we are staying 2 additional days. It all worked out. Praise God!

Also, we told by Natalie that there will be no other families there while we are there...so sad! I guess that means added attention for us (:

Well we have suitcases to continue to pack and a frazzled brain that is going to get some more things accomplished...first things first, help my son build a train track.

Signing off!

Travel plans oh my...

2008-02-14T17:00:00.003-05:00

Well the infamous dates we have been waiting for were given to us today.... we leave in roughly

2 weeks!

I don't even know where to begin. I have been bugging my dear friend Miranda all day for the ins and outs of flights and am begging for some Q&A time soon, very soon. I am so excited. I still don't know anyone out there who might be going with us(that is traveling at the same time). If any of you blog stalkers know who might have had court soon or is leaving in two weeks I want to know. We must become quick friends. Yea! I need to go make a few more list....

Be Mine...be my little baby!

2008-02-13T19:27:00.003-05:00

Isaac Sentayehu ATWOOD,
that's right, he is NOW officially an Atwood. Praise God!

Happy Valentine's little man.

Sillyness abounds...

2008-02-11T21:00:00.001-05:00

My two boys. They were having fun tonight making funny faces at the computer. It was one of those moments when I just stepped back and watched and relished in the fact that I am so blessed to have a husband that is 100% devoted to his family. We are his top priority. Even when as I type I am contaminating his computer with all my yucky sick germs.

We got an update on Isaac today. They say they he is the youngest amongst all the children in the foster home of only 18 children(can you believe how few there are), so he gets A LOT of attention. They continue to warn us that he does not warm to adult strangers quickly. They tell us this in every update, I think they are trying to prepare us for the possibility that he will cry a lot in our first meeting. BUT, I know that God will knit our hearts together and he will feel his mothers and fathers love. Oh how I long to hold him.

We have court on Thurs. We are praying that all goes well and we pass through with flying colors.

we shall perservere

2008-02-04T15:09:00.000-05:00

" Consider it pure joy my bretheren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance." James 1:2-3

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will recieve the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him." James 1:12

We did not make it through court today!

We have been postponed until Feb. 14th.

However, my prayers over the past few days have been that God would prepare my heart to rejoice no matter what happens. For I know that no matter what comes my way I have been given the power to overcome and perservere. As a believer I am called to persereve for it is the evidence of my faith. My reaction the the news this morning was hard. When I called my husband and heard his voice, I began crying and I was not able to speak, but I knew I had to pull it together. Micah was right there and I knew that I had to explain this to him and help him to understand it would be another week and half longer, but most importantly I had to show him that his mommy trust Jesus and that I believe that he will bring his baby brother home no matter how long we have to wait. So I pulled myself up with a prayer and we moved on. I praised God for His absolute providence. We will bring Isaac home, when God himself ordains it.

Okay, Okay...

2008-02-01T21:13:00.000-05:00

I know you people are sick of my sad blue face, frankly so am I. I have been tagged twice, Carrie & Emily, and now I know why, you desire for a new post, right? Well, to leave no one out I am going to combine your two TAG request, brace yourself, your about to know me a little better...

6 things I am passionate about:

Jesus
Trevor, the husband
Micah, the oldest son
Isaac, the youngest not yet home from Ethiopia son
adoption
college kids (yeah I know, they are not kids, but hey thats what I call um)

6 things I would love to do before I die:

go to culinary school
own a quaint little bakery/coffee shop in a historic old town
live anywhere in the NE (well probably not anywhere)
adopt at least twice more
own an old house and have the time and money to fix it up myself
plant a church in an urban city

6 things I say often: (remember I am home ALL day long with a four year old)

Sweet Mercy!
Stop whining.
Hang on.
I love you too.
Yes Micah, I'm listening.
No more TV, No more computer, now go to your room and pretend, use your imagination(yes, I really say that about 20x's a day).

6 shows I watch:

Lost
Amazing Race
Survivor
American Idol
Brother's & Sister's
October Road

6 movies I can watch over and over:

Walk To Remember
Sweet Home Alabama
Pretty Woman
The Notebook
Top Gun
My Best Friends Wedding

6 places I have been:(that are interesting)

Moscow & Chuvashia Russia
China & Hong Kong
Cozumel, Mexico
NYC
Key West
Appalachian Mountians (yes, that was very interesting and very sad)

Well, now you know me better and your don't have to look at my sad face anymore.

Please be praying on Sunday night(Monday in Ethiopia) that court goes smoothly and we make it through...NO WHAMMIES (that's for you old school game show watchers)!

postponed!

2008-01-24T16:13:00.000-05:00

feeling blue!

we got a phone call today telling us that our court date has been postponed. belay(our power of attorney) showed up at the courts today to deliver some paperwork and noticed that the dates for the 30th had been pushed to the 4th of february. bummer! this has nothing to do with us just rescheduling. but i must tell you five days tacked on to this wait seem excruciating. please continue to pray we make it through on the 4th. there is still the possibility for another postponement come the 4th. and i have begun to feel like if it could happen it will...i do not like giving in to those fears. it is in God's hands.

Budro #1, Big Brother...Micah

2008-01-22T12:55:00.000-05:00

My little boy. I have been thinking a lot over the course of this adoption how things would affect our oldest son and how he would handle the changes. We have done lots of talking and role playing. It has been a long wait for us, but I know it has been a very long wait for him. He is so ready for his baby brother to come home. We pray for Micah and Isaac everyday that God is preparing each of them for the changes and that He would show us how best to raise our precious gifts from God.

Here are a few pictures of our boy over the past couple months. Sorry, some are sideways!

7 is becoming a theme...

2008-01-15T17:01:00.001-05:00

Seventeen weeks of waiting for a referral and seven weeks of waiting for a court date, but HOORAY we have one! Natalie called today and gave us a court date of January 30th. We are thrilled! She also mentioned that there are those unfortunate delays occurring, so beware. I told her I was well aware, do to the many blogging friends that have been caught up in them. We hope to breeze right through and be in Ethiopia before the end of February. PLEASE continue to pray for our sweet boy who is 15 months today and that we make it through court in one try. Thank you to everyone who continues to care and pray and post the most encouraging comments. I count so many of you as friends. We are truly blessed!

Check It Out...

2008-01-12T10:12:00.001-05:00

Just For You.
It has a new face and some new additons.

Another day...

2008-01-03T17:35:00.000-05:00

Well we have completed five weeks of waiting for a court date with no end in sight, I feel. We were told when we received the referral it would be 2-4 weeks for a date. I spoke with Natalie this week to find out what is taking so long. She said the courts pick at random and it can sometimes take this long.

I do feel the anxiety of it all creeping in all over again. Sometimes I get this feeling it will never end and we will be in perpetual adoption limbo. I do not like these feeling or expressing them for fear of giving in to them and therefore not trusting God to be in control of ALL things. I constantly have to remind myself that God wants what is best for our family and this wait is creating that. My prayer is that I never give in to the temptation to believe the lies that this will not end well or that it will not end at all.

I hate to sound like such a downer. I do not want to come across that way. My faith is strong and my hope is in the Lord and his faithfulness. I also know that His love and patience with my ups and downs will never change. He holds me tight and gives me strength to endure another week or another month, however long it takes.

"For you, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in lovingkindness to all who call upon You. Give ear, O Lord, to my prayer; And give heed to the voice of my supplications!

In the day of my trouble I shall call upon You, for you will answer me. There is no one like You among the gods, O Lord, nor are there any works like yours.

All nations whom You have made shall come and worship before you O Lord, and they shall glorify Your name. For you are great and do wondrous deeds; You alone are God."

Psalms 86:5-10

Martin Referral!

2007-12-14T16:35:00.000-05:00

Yeaaa! I am so excited to be a part of these precious, God fearing families life and their journey. They received their referral today for a little girl...go take a look! Martin's we are praising God for His wonderful goodness to us! Can't wait to hear the whole story.

ADO(RED)

2007-12-07T17:34:00.000-05:00

Well, I broke down and bought Isaac his first NEW article of clothing. We have an abundance of clothing from Micah, so there is no NEED for new clothes, but now that I know an age and size how could I resist this piece.
Then, I took Micah over to the Bear Mill Workshop and let him build Isaac and animal for us to send to him for Christmas. He chose a Tiger and named him Stripes. We got him a t-shirt that says Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas. We had so much fun doing this. He is so excited to be sending his baby brother something that he made. He proudly carried Stripes around all day through the mall. Here he is in the little backpack bag they gave us.

Adoption and the Gospel

2007-12-05T09:01:00.000-05:00

This is a wonderful article about adoption and God's adoption of us. Amazing! Please read.

Gift Giving

2007-12-04T18:13:00.000-05:00

So, we have trying to think of what to take to Ethiopia with us. I have read various things on blogs, but I can't remember where I read them. So, I need your help.

Ideas please:

Gift for Isaac's family?

Gifts for Ryan and Abby(do we bring their children something too)?

Gifts for caregivers?

Gifts for older kids orphanages?

Is there anyone else we need to plan for?

I am so excited about the trip and meeting our precious Isaac. I was reading Drew & Carey's blog and they have a lot of helpful advice for the trip and it flooded me with memories of Russia. Nearly everything she mentioned we experienced there. The heat, scabies, guest house vs. hotel, etc. You should read if you are traveling soon. This would go for any foreign country. We have been to China, Mexico and Russia, they are pretty similar. I can't wait to be in Ethiopia holding our little man.

An ordinary day, until...

2007-11-30T08:37:00.000-05:00

Approximately 3:30 eastern time, when Natalie made the infamous call.

Here is how it went.
I was out running errands while Micah was in preschool and i decided to go to Starbucks on my way to go get him. So, I am sitting at the window waiting when the phone rings. I open my phone, and see UNKNOWN. I of course think all in two seconds,"Natalie, no it can't be. I have had to many of these and they are never her." But as I am saying hello and she is saying "This is Natalie," the man at the window with my coffee is trying to give it to me and tell me if I don't like it I can get something else. I give him a BIG smile and pull away.

So, after much squealing and laughter and a little info. on Isaac, I realize she is calling on the day Trevor doesn't come home until 10pm ish. What am I going to do. I tell her, I will do everything I can to get us together. I call Trevor, tell him and shock abounded. He could not believe it was finally happening. Me either.

We decided to wait until 5pm for Natalie to call me back and that I would go through the info with her (minus pics.) on my own and then we would wait and open the pictures when we were all together later that night. We wanted us all three to be together when we saw Isaac for the first time. I get off the phone with her, hop in the car take Micah to a friends house, pick up another friend and drive to Durham(where my husband is. He had the Young Professionals bi-weekly gathering). We stayed through the announcements and drove home. It was 9pm ish by the time we were all home and could open our email and see our precious boy. And boy is he precious.

Natalie said it would probably be 3-4wks before we hear about a court date. So, we are buckling up for another wait. She said it could be 2+ months before he is home. Hey, what is 8-10 weeks when you have been waiting as long as we have. We trust God, His timing and His perfect will for our family. What more could I ever ask for.

Adoption Awareness Month

2007-11-26T23:04:00.000-05:00

Our Story.

Our story begins a lot like most. We desired to be parents. So we set out on the journey to conceive. We knew it would be difficult, but we knew God was the God of impossibles. Three years later we decided to seek advice from a fertility clinic. After we were given our options we decided not to rush it, but to pray and wait for a clear answer from God.

On June 24, 2002, I was praying and seeking answers about what we should do and in the stillness of that moment God spoke to me so clearly and said "Adopt," and gave me a vision of Moses being sent down the Nile river. A picture of adoption. We were flooded with emotions and fears about what to do. After six months of waiting patiently and praying we felt we should move forward with what we felt was God's answer and our step of obedience. We met with a SW (now dear friend, Cindy) and proceeded with a domestic adoption. During that year God used an amazing experience common in private adoptions to have us seek another route. We met with Cindy again to discuss IA adoptions.

In March of 2004 we began the process to adopt internationally from Russia. In May of 04 we received the referral of sweetest, most adorable little boy, we named Micah.

On June 24, 2004, two years to the day from when God told us His choice for us was adoption, we were meeting our son for the first time. We had the amazing and unique privilege to keep Micah with us for 72hrs. He was the happiest kid, he laughed at everything. We bonded and fell deeply in love with our son. Then, it was time for him to go back to the orphanage and us back home. You see, in Russia they require two trips, one to meet your child the second to make it legal in court. That day I felt my heart would be reaped from my chest.

On July 27th, we were reunited, on July 29th he officially became ours and on August 3rd we were home.

It would take a novel to express the emotions we went through on this journey to adopt our son. Now, my outlook on adoption is different than when we started. We knew that adoption was and still is the way God intended to grow our family, but it has a much deeper purpose. As we have grown closer to Jesus, we have come to realize more and more the true sacrifice that Jesus made to adopt us as His children and the love that poured forth for us to become a part of His eternal family. Our hope is that our family would be a picture of the Gospel of Jesus.

Christmas Tree Lighting...

2007-11-18T22:04:00.001-05:00

Do you see the resemblance?

I know I know, it is not even Thanksgiving yet! We do usually wait to put up the tree until the day after Thanksgiving...BUT, we are not going to be home until well after Thanksgiving and we wanted to have it up when we got home. We had a great day putting it up and decorating the ole home.

So, we are expecting to coast on through week 16 this week and right into 17 next week, which only leaves us two more weeks. I did speak to our coordinator last week and she said they have had no family wait longer than 5 months. I told her she could not make us the exception. We are well on our way now. I would never have imagined it taking this long, but now when I look back it doesn't really seem that long and i know that is how i will feel when Isaac is finally home.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

ORDER NOW!

2007-11-15T09:24:00.001-05:00

FREE SHIPPING at Just For You, if you order by November 20th. All orders will make it in time for Christmas if you order by November 20th. They make great Christmas gifts. ORDER NOW!

Stuff Every Where....

2007-11-13T22:35:00.000-05:00

I wish I had taken a picture of my house over the past few days...but I didn't, sorry. Picture above was added later. It is what is still left to be put away, mostly clothes.
My parent came to vist this past weekend and brought all of Micah's old cloth's, shoes, bedding, crib, toys, etc. for Isaac. And let me just tell you my 800 sq. ft. apartment got a lot smaller. I was tripping over tubs and boxes, not funny for the neat freak that I am. So, today I spent all day moving furniture around completely rearranging to fit a crib into M & I 's room. WOW! I had been debating the whole crib thing but finally settled on putting it up (not yet, but soon), thinking this will be best for Isaac for a while.

Today, was 15 weeks. I can't even believe we have been waiting this long. For me it has gotten a lot easier. Not sure why, but the days just seem to be flying by and the hope is there everyday, but not the anxiety, Thank You JESUS! If Natalie is correct and 5 months is the longest we should wait then we have 5 weeks to go or should I say we should recieve a referral within 5 weeks. That to me is exciting. I thought in the begining weeks 8 and 10 would be exciting because my expectations were to get it then, but they and the next 3 were really hard. Now, I feel like we are in the 7th inning stretch. Definitely looking forward to winning in the bottom of the 9th. Come on, no extra innings, PLEASE!

So much FUN!

2007-11-07T22:50:00.000-05:00

This past weekend our good friends Carmen and Aaron and their sweet little boy Ezra came to Durham for our church's Global Missions Conference. They were here to represent their church plant Gallery Church in NY,NY that the Summit Church partners with. I continue to be amazed at how over ten years God continues to intertwine our lives through the ministries we are a part of. We got to spend five days hanging out and catching up. Great Times!

After much encouragement I have made public a small business venture and wanted to share it with you. I have created a blog and would love for you to visit. You will find a link for JUST FOR YOU under Good Stuff on the left side of my blog.

When?

2007-11-03T21:47:00.000-04:00

So we keep getting ask "When" we will hear something about Isaac? And our response is always, "Any day!" Well, it will be 14 weeks on Tuesday and 7+ months for the whole thing and it is getting harder to believe that it will be any day. I know it still could be "any day" but my enthusiasm is waning.

It struck me last week that we are only 8 weeks out from Christmas, so the hope of him being home for the holidays is dwindling. Now, we can only hope it will still be the first of the year.

BUT, in the midst of it all God is my joy. I find delight in Him and because of that the wait is bearable. We pray our wait will end soon, but rest in HIM.

So, for those who live near us, you will know "When," it happens, because there will be LOUD praising and rejoicing and for those who live all over the great ole USA, you will know "When," because we will be bloggin all about it.

Halloween Night

2007-11-01T14:11:00.003-04:00

Just wanted everyone to see the cutest Ninja Turtle ever. We went tricker treating in Historic WF down Main St. with Micah and his entourage last night. There were literally hundreds of kids and adults out. It is such a cool area to go. The historic homes are all decked out and everyone is out sitting on their porches. So much fun.

Ring, Baby, UNC and YP's...

2007-10-26T16:03:00.000-04:00

Over the past month+ we have had some very exciting happenings in our extended family that I have failed to mention.

First, my older sister is engaged. Yea!!! This has been ten years in the making. So, of course the whole family is just thrilled and can't wait to celebrate in Mexico...that's right Mexico. And Auntie Heather has ask that the boys be in the wedding next year. Let me just tell everyone how excited I am for them and for this huge step they are taking. Love you both!
Second, would be the birth of our niece. This is the second child to Trevor's brother and his wife. The first girl of the family. I can't wait to get my hands on her. We of course were not there for the birth) : but hope to see her soon. God is so good. She is healthy, mama is healthy, what more could we have ask for.
Third, Trevor is leading a guys bible study for some UNC college students. This to me just seems so surreal. Before we moved to NC, all I ever heard about was the love my husband has for UNC basketball (currently ranked #1 in the new coaches poll) and to live here now and have the opportunity to build relationships with students is just amazing to me. We love college students and we want to be a model of the gospel to them through our marriage. So, once a month they will be coming to our house or the house of the other adult leader (our sweet friends A & A) and just hanging out eating good food and talking or playing video games or just whatever comes up. Once a month, Trevor & A will meet them for Bible study in Chapel Hill. They came over for the first time on Wednesday night, it was amazing. Can't wait to get to know them more and just invest in their life.
Last but not least, last night was the first night for Thursday Night. Trevor has been on staff with our church for a few months now and has been working with the Young Professionals. He has been working very hard to relaunch this ministry. They had there first big gathering of teaching and worship last night and from what I hear (could not for the life of me find a baby sitter) it was a huge success. They had a great turn out and it went smoothly. This purpose is to get young professionals and grad-students more connected to the church. There seemed to be a good response. This is huge.
Okay well there are the happenings at the Atwood home and extended family.

Fall Festivities

2007-10-22T10:41:00.001-04:00

So handsome!

This was picture day at school. Here is what he looked like before he left.
There is no telling what he looked like by the the time they took his picture at school.
This is us carving our pumpkins over the weekend.
We got two done on Saturday...
And finished all three by Sunday. Trevor did a great job carving the pumpkins.
I did the small spider. Micah was so patient during this long process.

Okay family, friends and bloggers we are officially beginning week 12 of waiting for a referral and today is 7 months of total process so far. Sometimes I think it has flown by and other times it is going by at a snails pace. But I truly am feeling optimistic that this could be our week. Of course all I have to go by is other peoples experiences, but hey that is something. I have peace about it and I know with each day and week that passes it is getting closer.

What I was told...

2007-10-18T11:42:00.000-04:00

I am getting a few questions about my last post. I am not in any way wanting to cause anyone any more stress than already exist. So, I am going to try an explain what I was told by Natalie via Angela Jackson our other program coordinator.

We have been waiting 11 weeks, will be 12 on Tues. Which means we have almost been waiting 3 months. The wait time they gave me back when we were put on the wait-list was 3-5 months for a referral. So, we are just now entering 3 months, which means it could come any day in the next 2 months. They did say things have slowed down and referrals are not coming as quickly as they were before, but to not fret it will happen and hopefully sooner rather than later.

I hope this clears up any questions I may have put in your minds. Sorry for the confusion.

85 degrees in Mid-October

2007-10-17T22:14:00.000-04:00

It is hot hot hot here in NC. We went on our first field trip to a pumpkin patch today and we had a lot of fun, but did not expect the warm weather we were given. It should not be this hot.

It was so good to see Micah interact with all his new friends and for me to meet all the parents. He is having a blast at preschool and LOVES his teacher. After today I think I have found they all just adore her. She seems to be an amazing teacher. He comes home everyday having learned a new song, a new sign (sign language), and so much more.

Well, Natalie from our adoption agency says we are just now officially entering the wait time of 3-5 months. Sometimes I just want to scream and shout and throw a two year old hissy fit, but then I am reminded that I am a witness to the love and mercy of Christ and in these difficult times it is Him I have to glorify. So, I am trusting that Isaac is coming home.

Tagged!

2007-10-12T15:07:00.000-04:00

I have been tagged by Emily.

So here we go, prepared to be amazed! Six things about me...

Jobs:
1. Nanny (4yrs.)
2. Preschool Teacher (1yr.)
3. Preschool Ministry Director (4yrs.)
4. Mom & Wife...not a job, but a privilege.
The only jobs I have ever had. Do you see a trend, I love children.

Places Lived:
1. Born in TX
2. Raised in TN
3. Moved to NC

Favorite TV shows:
1. Lost
2. Office
3. Survivor
4. Amazing Race

Books I want to read:
1. There is no me w/o you
2. Doctrines of Grace
3. Mere Christianity
4. Shepherding A Child's Heart

Restaurants I like, but rarely frequent:
1. P.F. Chang's
2. Jason's Deli
3. Red Robin
4. Cheesecake Factory

Things I enjoy:
1. Starbucks Coffee
2. Making stationary cards
3. Date w/ my husband
4. Watching Micah accomplish a difficult task w/o frustration

I will tag: Miranda On the road to Emmaus

Overview of the week past.

2007-10-08T14:04:00.000-04:00

I can't believe it has been a week since my last post. Don't go deleting me from your list, I will do better.

Micah finished his first week of preschool and loved every second of it. I have begun to look into schools in our town to see what our options are for Kindergarten. I was really hoping to apply to the GT Magnet school here, but they said it was a zoning school. Of course, we are not zoned for it. I really liked the thought of a magnet school geared to my child's interests and the fact that it is diverse. His family will be diverse, so we think it important that his school is as well. The school we are zoned for is great, I just wanted to check out my options...private school, anyone? This route scares me a little, too many choices for such an indecisive person.

We had a great family Saturday. We went to the park, then watched some of a little league game, went for lunch and a trip to Super Target. Watching the little league game was interesting. I look at kids that age and always imagine what Micah will be like when he gets there. I look forward to the whole sports thing, whatever he chooses.

My husband left today for NYC with our pastor and our church planting pastor. They are going up there to meet with the Gallery Church (new church plant in the city) that we partnering with. They brought him along to see some church planting in action. I hope and pray he listens and learns a lot about what it takes. The lead pastor of the Gallery Church and his wife are dear friends of ours as well, so it should be a great trip to get to see them and spend some time with them.

There is still no news on the adoption front. I did get a call this morning from an UNKNOWN #(which Drew & Carey posted is what comes up when you get the call), but of course I didn't get to the phone on time so I missed it. My mind starts racing, maybe it was Gladney, but wouldn't they leave a message? Will they try to call Trevor? So, I called him, and he said no one had tried calling. So, I am assuming it was not them. Oh well, we will chalk it up to another day. Last week was a hard week of waiting, but I already feel better today about the wait. I just keep thinking...we are at 10 weeks it can't be that much longer. Three to four more weeks of waiting is not bad in the grand scheme of things. However, I'll take that call today, PLEASE!

First Day of School!

2007-10-01T10:43:00.001-04:00

Micah had his first day of school last Thurs. He really seemed to enjoy it. Here are a few pictures of the first day. He begins a full week today. He can't wait to get there and play with all his new friends. Pics before we left.
Meeting his teachers
Greeting me at the door. I think he was happy to see me.

Has anyone heard?

2007-09-26T22:17:00.000-04:00

For all you out there adopting from Ethiopia or through Gladney, have the courts reopen? All I have heard this whole time is the 25th or 27th of September. Has anyone gotten an official word? For those who are waiting for a court date you should be hearing soon right? Okay, just curious if things are moving again.

Productive Delay

2007-09-25T21:50:00.000-04:00

I was on a blog http://girltalk.blogs.com and came upon this post. I thought it was encouraging and wanted to share.

What are you waiting for today?
May these thoughts encourage you to make it a “Productive Delay:”
"Waiting on God isn't about the suspension of meaning and purpose. It's part of the meaning and purpose that God has brought into my life. Waiting on God isn't to be viewed as an obstruction in the way of the plan. Waiting is an essential part of the plan. For the child of God, waiting isn't simply about what I'll receive at the end of my wait. No, waiting is much more purposeful, efficient, and practical than that. Waiting is fundamentally about what I'll become as I wait. God is using the wait to do in and through me exactly what He's promised. Through the wait He's changing me. By means of the wait He's altering the fabric of my thoughts and desires. Through the wait He's causing me to see and experience new things about Him and His kingdom. And all of this sharpens me, enabling me to be a more useful tool in His redemptive hands."
Instead of focusing on what we’re waiting to receive, let’s turn our gaze to God and ask Him to make us “a more useful tool in His redemptive hands.”