Are We Alone?

One week ago today one of our closest friends lost their baby by miscarriage. It has been a week of reflection for me. I have tried to be mindful of the things that I know they may go through in the days and weeks to come. It has had me retrace those first days and weeks after we lost Chai.

One of many things I have learned through the loss of a child is that no matter whether you child dies by miscarriage or a day old or 10 years old, the pain and grief is real. You grieve the things you will never get to experience with your son or daughter, you grieve the incompleteness of your family and that it will be that way until Jesus returns. You grieve the loss for your children, that they will not get to experience this life with that sister or brother. Each holiday, each anniversary is a painful reality that someone is missing, that this isn't the way it is supposed to be.

Are we alone? I read a book by Elizabeth Brown called Surviving the Loss of a Child, a couple of months after Chai died. She and her family lost their daughter suddenly at the age of 5 (if I remember correctly). The first chapter is,Are We Alone? It is quite an eye opening chapter, here is a little of what she has to share.

"We are alone, alone in the world. Children don't die. I mean real children, children who have been born and leave the hospital. I don't know anyone whose child died. No one looks at us. Everyone looks down or to the side. They know children don't die. They know! I know!"

"But children do die. Every year in America, 228,000 children under the age of 24 die. Fifteen out of every hundred infants die before his or her first birthday: 28,600 deaths per year due primarily to prematurity or low birth weight. In addition there are 980,000 miscarriages and stillborn baby deaths per year."

"So, its a myth that children do not die! Children do die! When your child dies, you are no alone. You are not the only person to survive such a tragedy. You, like others, will survive-if you choose to."

I choose to share this information not to be cold or insensitive {which is how I felt when I first read it}, but rather to say, "We are not alone." We must be careful not to throw those statistics around and make my loss or someone else's just a number. We must reach out to those who are hurting. We must be the hands and feet of Jesus for those grieving. I pray everyone who reads this never faces such a lose, but I know that many reading this already have, and you need those that love you near and far to share the hope that is to come. That one day, we will see our beautiful perfected children. One day there will be no more crying. One day there will be no more pain. One day Jesus is going to return and set this broken world right again.

I have spent all morning praying over these words. Praying that God would give me great concern and love for those who have faced the loss of a son or daughter. Praying that God would be their comfort and their hope.

" For in this hope we are saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope.

For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what

we do not see, we wait for it with patience."

Romans 8:24-25