Friday, March 23, 2012

Chai, Simon, and the Death of Death


God has painfully revealed his love and grace to me in many ways through the death of my son, Chai.

Its been more than 20 months since he died, and I’m still learning more from my son.

After Chai died on July 12th, 2010, Keva and I immediately wanted to be pregnant again. That desire was partly out of our wish to get past the pain that we were experiencing and partly out of our trust in God as the author of life. The latter was good. The former, not so much.

In the months following Chai’s death, getting pregnant for a second time was feeling almost as impossible as it did during our first 11 years of marriage.

Once again, we grew more frustrated than we did patient, and began to settle into the idea that our family would remain as it was. Then God surprised us again.

When your wife walks into the bathroom with a pregnancy test and then, minutes later, lets out a scream, you don’t have to be a detective to connect the dots.

There was a lot of excitement in that moment. It kind of felt like what I suppose it might feel like to win the lottery: Elation followed by the question “What are we going to do with this?”

But in that moment, fear mingled with our delight. Anxiousness combined with our hope.

I tried to remain calm. Keva came to mind first. What would happen if this baby dies? Would that crush her? Would it be too painful to bear?

Then I thought about my kids. Micah and Isaac have experienced exactly one pregnancy up close. It ended in the death of their baby brother. What if we went 0 for 2? And this one would be different. After all, surely they will pray specifically for this baby NOT to die. Surely they will ask God to keep this one alive. I had written answers down to essay questions on tests in seminary like “Why does God allow evil and suffering in the world?” but could I explain to my sons why their siblings keep dying even though we keep asking God to keep them alive?

I was afraid. Happy….but afraid.

Now to the present.

Chai was born 26 weeks and 6 days into pregnancy.

Today, Keva is 26 weeks and 6 days pregnant.


After Chai’s birth, the doctor told us if Keva got pregnant again, she probably wouldn’t carry past 21 weeks.

Today, our doctor told us she expects Keva to carry beyond 34 weeks…maybe full term.

What is amazing about this prognosis is not simply THAT God has done this, but the WAY he has done this.

He has brought life from death. Let me explain.

Through Chai’s death, we learned something about Keva’s body. In short, that her cervix could not support the weight of a child without help. So, Keva had a surgery in December to help her cervix support the weight of this new little life.

We never would have known that, if Chai hadn’t gone before his little brother to show us.

Without Chai’s death, Simon’s life would not be possible. Someone had to be the forerunner. Someone had to die so that another could live.

Sound familiar? It’s the gospel pattern. Its something we all know is deeply painful, but is deeply beautiful. Sacrifice.

Life from death.

Hope from despair.

Joy from pain.

This is what Christ accomplished for me…and all those who trust Him. He died so that I could have life. But the resurrection means that death is dead. It no longer holds sway over those who are in Christ.

What does that mean for the Atwoods? It means one day Simon will embrace his big brother and say “Thank you!”

…and Micah, Isaac, Chai, and Simon will spend eternity worshipping the God who defeated death and made life possible.

...and so will their parents.


Trevor

56 comments:

Allyson said...

Your family continues to teach me much about Him. Thank you.

RDU misses you much. Amber and I say that all the time. Seriously.

JenAdele said...

Thanks for sharing.
I still reference the talk you gave on suffering at Summit regularly...you guys are inspiring!

Lisa said...

beautiful. I love you all.

Jen T. said...

So well written. Thanks for continuing to point us to Jesus through Chai's death!

Nathan M said...

Your story as this post so clearly tells deeply stirs my heart. My wife and I lost our daughter Eden, at 20 weeks last April and though we never met our daughter, much of your story resonates with us. We too are pregnant again and just passed the 20 week benchmark last week. With you we are so thankful that Death has been conquered and our tears are both numbered and limited. Death has been swallowed up in victory. Blessings to you and your sweet family.

Anonymous said...

[url=http://nikefreedametilbud.com/]nike free runnike free[/url] [url=http://monclerjassenjas.org][img]http://nikefreedametilbud.com/images/nike-free-2012-dame-001.jpg[/img][/url] [url=http://nikefreedametilbud.com/]nike free[/url] IkoGxf WpdXyq [url=http://christianlouboutinpascheronline.net]Christian Louboutin[/url] NqqYjr [url=http://www.canadagoosetilbudnorge.com/canada-goose-montebello-parka-red-billig-canada-goose-oslo-pi-81/][img]http://www.canadagoosetilbudnorge.com/bmz_cache/3/3210f63d2898d3ead7b7fed69a1bf46e.image.232x350.jpg[/img][/url] RoqVhf [url=http://www.true-religionbrandjeans.com]True Religion Jeans[/url] IreDxc [url=http://www.taskaonline.com]Louis Vuitton T谩ska[/url]
XmjGlj [url=http://www.hogan-schuhe.net]hogan schuhe[/url] [url=http://christianlouboutinpascheronline.org/]CHRISTIAN LOUBOUTIN[/url]
OqbEph [url=http://www.true-religionbrandjeans.org]true religion jeans cheap[/url]
[url=http://www.monclerjakkevinter.com]moncler[/url] YoiUyz [url=http://www.canadagoosetilbudnorge.com]Canada Goose Tilbud[/url]
[url=http://www.mbtdk.dk]mbt[/url] ApmLyx [url=http://www.hogan-shoes.org/]hogan[/url]
[url=http://www.mbtdk.dk]mbt sko[/url] LpgMmo [url=http://www.true-religionbrandjeans.org]True Religion Jeans[/url]
[url=http://www.hogan-schuhe.net]Hogan Schuhe[/url] TezMsl [url=http://www.canadagoosetilbudnorge.com]Canada Goose Tilbud[/url]
[url=http://www.hogan-schuhe.net]Hogan[/url] AtuQlp [url=http://www.canadagoosetilbudnorge.com]Canada Goose[/url] NxaHwp

Anonymous said...

[b][url=http://www.uggsonsalewebsite.co.uk/]ugg boots sale[/url][/b] Digital marketing is, therefore, the following to remain. This training course is especially intended catering to requirements of the current situation of digital promoting also to bridge the gap between you as well as globe which is now simply a simply click away. Acquiring misplaced or stranded inside the woods can transpire to any one so you could locate oneself with out food stuff or .

[b][url=http://www.uggsbootsoutletmall.co.uk/]uggs boots[/url][/b] The corporate went on to produce probably probably the most attractive handbag that's acknowledged nowadays. The Brown Monogram purse with LV logos on it are in reality the businesses flagship for several many years now. They've created some changes utilizing the Murakami selection of handbags that started off in 2003 which is also turning into a large accomplishment but totally nothing compares to the traditional design which has brought the establishment billions of dollars in profits..

[b][url=http://www.louisvuittonhandbagsu.com/]louis vuitton outlet[/url][/b] A great workplace atmosphere or holiday vacation company. You gained be aware from the greatest firms at this strong affordable since they are traveling louis vuitton bags off in the cupboards at 43Percentage down. It generates you a lot more desirable just in case you have helpful desire and undoubtedly will match up them properly in your complete apparel, which include types bags.

[b][url=http://www.louisvuittonhandbagsu.com/]louis vuitton outlet[/url][/b] In the event your web site is simply not look engine friendly, you may be losing plenty of traffic that you are not even aware of. I have, on regular, about fourteen,000 site visitors a day. About 40 - 45% of that visitors will come from look for engines (about 6000+ referrals per day). Possessing a very best mate is not quite mandatory, but it really is very effective. Ensure that your friend is aware the real you, simply because in any other case your relationship will most likely drop aside, and that's unattractive and unglamorous. Generally have back-up options, extraordinary factors to convey, and ideas for the good friends.

[b][url=http://www.louisvuittonpursesmarket.com/]louis vuitton purses[/url][/b] Louis Vuitton's preliminary innovations bundled the notion of making gear which is washboard and might just get for coach carriages. For some, this should transpire to acquire been his her at first chance towalk usually the driveway. Virtually all of the lady should have to complete is always to commence for the upcoming computerized merchandiser and in many cases brand name identify in Hermes wholesale purses need to this girl is positioned in a region at which Hermes handbag would make are observed..

Anonymous said...

[b][url=http://www.louisvuittonbeltsoutlet.co.uk/]louis vuitton uk[/url][/b] Popularity of huge campaign inside the entire world, people translate into carrying significant dimensions handbags, which Gucci Purses also avilable. If you want to build on your own fashion in massive bags, you need to have a look at the Boston or Delight purses that Gucci has available. These bags are full with double straps for creating carrying simpler, as well as double G logo that is certainly element on the signature Gucci brand, or the monogram structure, will furnish your bag with character.
The developments and kinds of designer handbags these days look to incline on 'the even larger the better'. Modern-day working day girl would need a handbag that will carry just about almost everything though however look attractive and fashionable. Whilst the designer purse may be the best luxurious accessory to your number of women, having a trendy purse is surely an simple technique to match up up a straightforward outfit at this kind of budget-cognizant moments.

[b][url=http://www.louisvuittonhandbagsoutlet.ca/]louis vuitton canada[/url][/b] Are you presently strolling the beneficial speak or do you think you're mumbling beneath you breath, "3 much more times 'til Friday." Take fantastic treatment to hear to your possess language. Would you body items during the positive, or does one usually start your sentences with "No." Does one say "Yes, but." a great deal, negating the first fifty percent of the sentence together with your previous? If that is so, buy a copy of "Learned Optimism" by Martin Seligman for your corporate library and inhale it. Then move it on.
A growing number of God is staying taken out of our society during the title of of church and state. youthful Christian youngsters can have to take care of a question or unfavorable comment (in class and even around the playground) about their faith. It is actually no longer a issue of if a Christian will be requested to defend his religion, but when..

[b][url=http://www.louisvuittonbagswebsite.co.uk/]louis vuitton bags[/url][/b] Probably the most essential consider reaching your visitors is the ability to have interaction their feelings. When writing fiction, I advocate emotion the sentiments of your people whilst you compose, as this provides the sentiments by way of inside your images; photographs your viewers will identify and resonate with. A similar strategy relates to writing posts.

[b][url=http://www.louisvuittonbagswebsite.co.uk/]www.louisvuittonbagswebsite.co.uk[/url][/b] Desired Seating Tickets is really a friends and family owned ticket company. You can't only acquire tickets on your own only however, you can order tickets for your relations, friends, relatives etcetera. from us. From her curly hair to straight and sleek look, Beyonce is a great hairstyle muse for that lace wig field. The honey blond and shades of golden brown compliment many women of shade with no on the lookout tacky. With before solutions of only platinum blond for African-American ladies, Beyonce introduced a refreshing shade inspiration to numerous..
Dubai, among the seven emirates in the United Arab Emirates, can be one of many most talked about areas in a very range of contexts these types of as skyscrapers, lavish lifestyle styles, azure sea, sun-drenched beach locations, planet class services, trend festivals and Dubai real-estate and many others. Dubai may be the talk of your city for really a very long time now. For the majority of people, Dubai represents organization, work or investment and a town to which, they might quite possibly relocate to.

[b][url=http://www.louisvuittonhandbagsoutlet.ca/]www.louisvuittonhandbagsoutlet.ca[/url][/b] Today both women and men want to purchase the designer purses. They seem for the style as properly as silhouette however, it's to become common. Without any doubt, Louis Vuitton is undoubtedly on cards and it is undoubtedly among the many biggest.

Anonymous said...

Charles Tillman Authentic Jersey

Participate in article swaps There is a solution to every single problem you can think of I got mine for about $100 and it is great If someone says yes at the event, are you ready with the next step? If not, reconsider your attendance

J.J. Watt Women's Jersey

Blogs are similar to forums Check with retailers, on the Internet, and manufacturers about the printer you are looking at Don't allow one slipup, or setback from the outside, influence you to erase all the progress you've made6

Nike Torrey Smith Jersey

Anonymous said...

So is this michael kors purses.
Ngan Ms ghd lisseur.
cheap uggs fans have not pull a leg spyder look at their own time if ugg boots sale had not pleasing to the eye ugg boots sale uk begin to say never anything to do with i.
You with this master of the house should not mix much Michael Kors.

Anonymous said...

top [url=http://www.001casino.com/]online casino[/url] brake the latest [url=http://www.realcazinoz.com/]casino games[/url] manumitted no consign perk at the foremost [url=http://www.baywatchcasino.com/]casino games
[/url].

Anonymous said...

cDmv ghd hair
iFkj cheap ugg boots
cEao michael kors bags
2vBmo GHD Hair Straightener
8qDyz burberry bags
6cXko ugg australia
3bAez ghd
3aZbd cheap louis vuitton
8yTzv Michael Kors
7vVny cheapest ghd straighteners
2nVlf ugg boots cheap
5tEhd wholesale nfl jerseys
2oSuv michael kors outlet
4uRmo ghd france
3fVrf ugg boots sale

Anonymous said...

lEbu ghd straightener
hQhz ugg store
vImf michael kors
2jVli ugg boots uk
2aFcl chi iron
4nVvp michael kors sale
7uLma nike nfl jerseys
3rGrq ghd nz sale
3zHqa cheap north face
0eMmd comprar ugg online
2fWqc cheap ghd straighteners uk
9zJwg michael kors wallet
8qGzw cheap nfl jerseys
7jNmw planchas ghd baratas
0yYhu discount ugg boots

Anonymous said...

pHbg ghd straightener
fNua ugg boots sale uk
rQwf michael kors outlet
5hJgn ugg uk
7yRyd chi
1xWlv michael kors bags
5cKqh nfl jerseys
5kKdg ghd hair straighteners
9yYjf north face outlet
6wXgy ugg baratas
1oLdk red ghd
3vNbh michael kors outlet
1sXpi nfl shop
0dRoe plancha ghd
0fKuu ugg sale

Anonymous said...

Hop Over To This Website

Have a look at my blog ... leads for lawyers
Check out my blog post :: lawyer lead generation

Anonymous said...

Have A Peek At These Guys

Feel free to visit my blog post: loan modification jacksonville
Here is my blog post - bank foreclosure

Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.freewebs.com/order-amoxicillin/]amoxicillin 500 mg capsule gre
[/url]amoxicillin 500 mg tid for 10 days
can you buy amoxicillin feed store
many mg amoxicillin should take

Anonymous said...

My partner and I stumbled over here coming from a different web page
and thought I might check things out. I like what I see so now i am following you.
Look forward to checking out your web page for a second time.


My website ... view it now

Anonymous said...

cheap nike shoes bazcggnh nike factory lnnanldw nike online store oxfwkbiu nike outlet online lrirlnsm nike outlet store vezvhlyd nike outlet civloknt nike running shoes vtyesril nike shoes bwczmceq nike store uwoxkwdp

Anonymous said...

cheap ugg boots sale cnqhyoew cheap ugg boots uk ebqwgklx cheap ugg boots oqjvjedc cheap uggs fwznpwdr ugg boots sale uk lrlrttwl ugg boots sale yumcupbc ugg boots uk jbrifurf ugg boots iaadippn ugg sale hkrqlszk

Anonymous said...

Hi to every body, it's my first visit of this website; this weblog consists of awesome and in fact good material designed for visitors.

My blog Registry cleaner

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol order tramadol cod saturday delivery - tramadol 50mg over counter

Anonymous said...

Credit cards are a all-pervasive element of most people's monetary snapshot. Whilst they can simply be really helpful, they could also cause severe risk, otherwise employed effectively. Allow the tips in this post play a serious function inside your everyday fiscal judgements, and you will probably be on your journey to creating a strong monetary groundwork. [url=http://www.ss12w12ws.info]Exp2121ed231[/url]

Anonymous said...

Hi, nexium pill - nexium pill http://www.wolverinefoodandspirits.com/, [url=http://www.wolverinefoodandspirits.com/]nexium price[/url]

Anonymous said...

purchase drugs pharmacy [url=http://thekamagradrug.mevio.com/#9t6s]cheap sildenafil[/url] [url=http://thepriligydrug.mevio.com/#5h4s]priligy online[/url] mhg vlk zithromax cost buy clomid 100mg buying sildenafil generic drugs price gyc

Anonymous said...

NzfFgb [url=http://longchampbagsoutlet.devhub.com]longchamp bag[/url] KhyCqp VqdKst [url=http://sacslongchampfrance.devhub.com]longchamp 1948[/url] JdnOtw WonXjd [url=http://guesswatches201.ucoz.co.uk]guess watches 2013[/url] HmoNcs YkuXez [url=http://burberryoutlet.ucoz.co.uk]burberry sale[/url] BbjGfr WbeYod [url=http://longchampuk2013.ucoz.co.uk]longchamp sale[/url] FjmGjg
2013 Who Wants [url=http://michael-kors-sac-soldes.webnode.fr]michael kors femme[/url] To Know The Best Way To Get To The michael kors Leading Spot. [url=http://longchampsacsfr9.webnode.fr]longchamp sacs[/url] Is Raving About [url=http://longchampsacsfr.webnode.fr]longchamp france[/url] You Should Study Or End Up Being Left Out The Fatal Mix up Found Around [url=http://isabelshoesale.ucoz.co.uk]isabel marant boots[/url], sneakers And How To Stop [url=http://sitemichaelkors.webnode.fr]sac michael kors 2013[/url], To MK In Note By Note Details
PlzIah [url=http://chaussuresisabellemarantprix.webstarts.com]chaussures isabelle marant prix[/url] RzbYhg ZruTru [url=http://sacguesssoldes.webstarts.com]sac guess soldes[/url] KwtBwu CfxJvj [url=http://longchamppascherpliage.weebly.com]longchamp pas cher pliage[/url] UnnKpx GvxMhb [url=http://isabellemarantsneakersimitation.weebly.com]isabelle marant sneakers[/url] PtfOxt TwyMwn [url=http://sacmichaelkorssoldes.weebly.com]sac michael kors soldes[/url] VdnSkb
EcwKfo [url=http://isabellemarantcollection.devhub.com]isabelle marant collection[/url] RzrVxu DjpWml [url=http://longchampsoldes2013.devhub.com]longchamp pas cher[/url] FxkTum JqpQwx [url=http://sacguesspascher2.webnode.fr]guess pas cher[/url] JlqPfa OstCia [url=http://isabelmarantbottes7.webnode.fr]isabel marant chaussures[/url] PmuNnz ZrnYmo [url=http://soldeslongchamppliage.webnode.fr]longchamp pliage[/url] UsbEwg

Anonymous said...

Fіrstly, check that theу are appreciated whіle incrеаsing employee moralе and lack of underѕtаnding about what Ryanаir iѕ all about.
This is tied to eѕtablishing strоng and long lаѕting products beyοnd
your business imaginаtion.

Feel free to surf to my blog post; internet marketing news

Anonymous said...

http://www.maps.google.com/ - [url=http://www.wikipedia.org/]wiki[/url]
mail

Anonymous said...

I don't even know how I ended up here, but I thought this post was good. I do not know who you are but certainly you are going to a famous blogger if you are not already ;) Cheers!

my blog :: airplane simulator games

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol hcl proven places to buy tramadol online - buy tramadol cod overnight

Anonymous said...

Thank you for every other informative blog. The place
else may just I am getting that kind of information written in such a perfect method?
I've a mission that I am just now working on, and I have been on the glance out for such info.

my blog - Akribos

Anonymous said...

It's not my first time to pay a quick visit this site, i am visiting this web site dailly and get fastidious facts from here all the time.

Here is my webpage ... teamprometheus.org

Anonymous said...

What's up, after reading this awesome post i am as well glad to share my experience here with mates.

Look at my page seo company in chennai

Anonymous said...

I rarely drop remarks, however i did a few searching and wound up here "Chai, Simon, and the Death of Death".
And I actually do have 2 questions for you if you do not mind.
Is it simply me or does it look as if like
a few of these remarks come across as if they are left by
brain dead individuals? :-P And, if you are posting on other places, I'd like to keep up with everything new you have to post. Could you list of every one of all your shared pages like your Facebook page, twitter feed, or linkedin profile?

My blog - relic watches for men

Anonymous said...

Hi there! This is my first visit to your blog!
We are a group of volunteers and starting
a new initiative in a community in the same niche.
Your blog provided us beneficial information to work on.
You have done a extraordinary job!

Feel free to visit my site: mens watches

Anonymous said...

This website certainly has all the information and facts I wanted concerning this subject and didn't know who to ask.

Here is my webpage mens stuhrling watches

Anonymous said...

I do not even know how I ended up here, but I thought this
post was good. I don't know who you are but definitely you're going to a famous blogger if you are not
already ;) Cheers!

Here is my web blog ... men's armitron watches

Anonymous said...

Hi there, its pleasant paragraph about media print,
we all know media is a fantastic source of facts.


Here is my webpage :: akribos xxiv watches for women

Anonymous said...

I'm amazed at how straight forward you make this topic look thanks to your articles, although I must admit I still don't quіtе fully gгaѕp it.
Thе entіrе mаtter јuѕt gοes oνeг my hеаԁ
becauѕе of how intricate аnd bгoad it all iѕ.
. Ηoweѵer, I'm happy to see what you have to say in next posts: with luck , I'll
bе ablе to graѕp it аt some pοint.


Vіsіt my web blοg synergism

Anonymous said...

Τhаnkѕ for ѕharing your thoughts.

I truly аppreciate your efforts and I will be wаiting for your furthеr
post thаnk you once agaіn.

My blog post - http://www.hcg-injections.com

Anonymous said...

Thanks for shаring your thoughts. I truly appгeciate your
effoгts and Ӏ will be waiting fοr уour further post thank
you οnсe again.

Also νiѕit my wеbsіte :: http://www.hcg-injections.com
My page - mouse click the following internet site

Anonymous said...

Buy Cytotec Online - where to buy misoprostol in south africa - where i can buy cytotec online

Anonymous said...

For most up-to-date news you have to pay a quick visit web and
on web I found this website as a finest web page
for most recent updates.

Take a look at my webpage - ray ban sunglasses outlet

Anonymous said...

buy tramadol cheap no prescription buy generic tramadol no prescription - cheap tramadol

Anonymous said...

Wonderful write-up! I've experienced the feeling of "flow" on many occasions throughout my daily life

Visit my webpage: diet pills that work for women over the counter

Anonymous said...

I believe that is one of the most vital information for me.
And i am satisfied reading your article. But want to observation on few general issues,
The web site taste is perfect, the articles is actually nice : D.

Good task, cheers

My website; women's armitron watches

Anonymous said...

Buy Tramadol Online buy cheap tramadol - buy tramadol online cheap

Anonymous said...

"it's in fact comfortable to browse the full desktop versions of sites like Giz" That's good since your mobile site is an abomination.

Also visit my web-site: secrets of superman stamina revealed part 1

Anonymous said...

Hi, I do mainly bench press. Is this info relevent to me?

Here is my web site; six pack shortcuts download pdf

Anonymous said...

Τhis ρiece of wгitіng gives clear idea in supρort of thе new visitors of bloggіng, that
tгuly how to ԁo runnіng a blog.

Ηere is my web page :: hcg diet
My web page - hcg diet injections

Anonymous said...

Aw, thіѕ was an extгemely gooԁ pοst.
Sрending somе timе and аctuаl effort to maκe a great aгtiсle…
but what can I say… I prοcrastіnate a whole lot аnd don't manage to get nearly anything done.

Here is my web blog hcg success stories

Anonymous said...

buy generic ambien no prescription where to buy generic ambien - buy ambien sleeping pills

Anonymous said...

For hottest information you have to pay a visit world wide
web and on web I found this site as a finest web site for latest updates.


Take a look at my webpage - how to get a girls attention

Anonymous said...

cheap propecia propecia 1mg results - where to buy propecia in us

Anonymous said...

Even if they want to buy a product or service eventually,
they search for information first. The Search Engine Optimization services they provide are tailored to meet your requirements for a low fee.
To do this effectively, some coding languages will have to be used, such as CSS
and HTML to make the website look more customers friendly.


Feel free to surf to my web page ... high qualty PR backlinks service

Anonymous said...


77Xl8, cheap imovane zopiclone, [url=http://pplrmean.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=64069]imovane no prescription needed[/url], buy imovane online cheap, Zg4t,
Ink7, buy alesse online canada, [url=http://www.sc2ds.com/index.php?option=com_agora&task=topic&id=92751&Itemid=60]order alesse birth control[/url], order alesse no prescription, 2RgzkJ,
ETxwv49, buy zyban online no prescription, http://www.sc2ds.com/index.php?option=com_agora&task=topic&id=92886&Itemid=60 buy zyban online europe, zyban, a5Xbl,
Vd5O, buy codeine in japan, [url=http://pplrmean.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=63590]where to order codeine[/url], how to buy tylenol with codeine in canada, 2b7oQAV,