How God Prepared Me for the Hardest Day of My Life

Many have commented to me during this time after my youngest son’s death about the attitude with which my wife and I have endured this suffering. I think some may mistakenly understand us as super-spiritual or possessing some gift beyond what any other Christ-follower has been given. Let me dispel this myth quickly.

God has a pattern of preparing his children for the suffering and trials that are sure to come. I see this mainly in two Biblical characters. Abraham and Paul. Abraham (Gen 12-22) was anything but a “Super-Christian” or “God-fearer”. He lied, pimped out his wife, slept with her secretary, and blatantly did not trust God, even laughing sometimes at His promises. But each time he sinned, God did not reject him, send him away, or tell him that he had changed his mind about his promise. See, every time Abraham chose his own way over God’s or tried to provide for himself a way of escape from his circumstances, God reminded him of his promise to Abraham that was given not based on anything Abe did, but on God’s plan to rescue the world. This happens over and over for 9 chapters. Sin, restate the promise. Sin, restate the promise. Sin, restate the promise. So if you only read Chapter 22 where Abraham is called to sacrifice his only son Isaac, you might think that he is a super-spiritual God-fearer. Not so. Abraham believes that God will raise Isaac from the dead (Hebrews 11:17-19) because God has chosen to make such an indelible mark on Abraham’s life with regard to promise keeping that God’s promise to make a great nation from Isaac has become more real than even the circumstance in which he finds himself. He truly walks by faith in the sure promise of God rather than by sight of the terrifying circumstance of losing his child.

Paul also endures intense suffering for the sake of the spread of the gospel, but always seems to have God’s glory in perspective. He sings songs in prison, doesn’t fear death, and vigorously writes most of the New Testament while imprisoned. His focus is constantly on the advancement of God’s name in his people for his kingdom. How? Well, before he was Paul, he was Saul. A terrible persecutor and murder who hunted and killed Christians. When he met Jesus on the road to Damascus, and subsequently Ananias who spoke for God, Jesus told him that he was a “chosen instrument of mine to carry my name before the Gentiles…for I will show him how much he must suffer for the sake of my name.” See, Saul was familiar with the way suffering spread the message of Christ. After all, he was the one who had been trying to stop it. But it seemed the more Christians he killed, the worse the pain he inflicted, the faster and more deep the gospel spread. As a persecutor, Saul was frustrated with the way suffering advanced the kingdom of God. As a new believer in Christ, Paul would now be shown the mysteries of suffering for the name of Christ before he was to endure them.

How does God prepare his saints to suffer for his name? I don’t have the time now to write the many ways I have come to embrace this truth. However, there is one thing in particular that God has done recently with me to prepare me. On June 20^th, Father’s Day, I was privileged to preach at my church on the glories and suffering involved in adoption. I’d encourage you to listen to/watch it now (scroll down to June 20th) and hear how God was preparing me for this tragedy of losing my son. I poured over Romans 8 for 2 weeks. As I prepared, God clearly showed me in Scripture what the Abba Cry was. A cry that does not curse God during moments of realizing the curse of sin, but calls confidently to our Loving Heavenly Papa to come back and make things right again. It is a longing for the resurrection of the saints as a precursor to the renewal of all creation.

Because of the way God drew me into his Word and understanding of this truth, when Chai died I set my thoughts on the renewal of creation and put my trust in his promise to resurrect, renew, and as my sons’ “Jesus Storybook Bible” puts it, “make the sad things untrue.”

Like Abraham, God reminded me of his promise when I needed it most. Like Paul, through His promise I understood the response and need for suffering. But he didn’t put me in the situation until I was ready, because he promises He will never allow me to be tempted beyond what I can bear (1 Cor 10:12-13). So the Atwoods are not any sort of “Super Christians”. We are simply hurting people who Believe and Remember the promise of God and Wait for Him to make it happen.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus.

Trevor Atwood, Chai's Daddy