Saturday, February 5, 2011

Nearly One Year Ago...

I realize it has been a while since I last wrote about Chai. I often have things I want to share but so often cant find the courage to write my thoughts down for the world to see. There are always milestones we are missing and holidays we will never share with Chai and anniversarys of things to celebrate.

February 12th, is one of those days. It was a busy day for me. I was putting the final touches on last minute things to get done for my annual Pink & Red Party for that evening. Trevor was working from home that day and he was encouraging me to go buy a pregnancy test. I had some symptoms, but I pushed them out of my head. We had been married at this point for 11yrs and it had never happened before, so there was no need to be in any hurry to spend $10 on a pregnancy test that would eventually tell me NO. Trevor nonetheless, was adamant I go buy one. We all know the outcome. I was pregnant!! Much to both my and Trevor's astonishment. We just stood and stared at each other in complete shock and utter excitement.

I did not know how in the world I was going to keep my glow and excitement a secret from all my friends who would be showing up at my house that evening. One by one they came in the door. I remember looking around my house at each of the women, Jill was pregnant; Veronica brought Adon, then 6wks old; Anna brought HattieJo, then a few months old; Cher who was also probably pregnant with her kahjillionth son. There were probably many more, but nonetheless I remember looking at each and thinking I am going to go through each of these stages and I was just so thrilled.

It has been a solemn January, with this date looming in the distance. Life doesn't stop going on despite my pain and my grief. People continue to get pregnant and have beautiful babies and there is the constant reminder that death is still a part of life in the broken world.

This week, Trevor and I had the chance to go to Orlando for the Resurgence Conference and Acts29 Bootcamp. It was such a good refreshment for my soul. Tullian Tchividjian and Matt Chandler did an amazing job speaking to suffering. They both said that suffering brings us to end of ourselves and brings us to a deeper and necessary reliance on Jesus. They said suffering has provided a depth to the gospel that otherwise they may never have realized. It is a reminder that the world we live in is broken and groaning for it to be set right again. That until that time, there will be death, sickness, natural disasters, homelessness, starvation, disease and pain. This is not God's punishment for a fallen world. He loves us and hurts with us. His heart breaks over this fallen and broken world.

In God's providence, we met another couple at this conference. I happened to overhear this man telling some other men in a group that he had 3 boys, two that were alive and one that had died. Of course hearing this broke my heart. Once I got back to my seat, I told Trevor what I had just overheard in passing. He said, "I know him, that's Aaron Proffitt, a church planter in Tampa. I have sent him a couple messages on FB." We finally met Aaron and his wife Ashlee. We had the great privilege of having lunch and sharing our stories of grief, suffering, God's grace and unending love. As I sat with Ashlee, I felt so much like she and I were alike, in more ways than one. She was such an encouragement to me and Aaron to Trevor. Their story of death, life, and church planting is one we needed to hear and one we will remember always.

We are so grateful that God is sovereign and brings comfort and encouragement at the most unexpected times from unexpected people.

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